Affairs and Alcohol consumption
Find a Conversation
Affairs and Alcohol consumption
| Wed, 11-10-2004 - 10:03pm |
I was just wondering if anyone out there has taken note that since their A they have been drinking alcohol more than they used to. I know I have and since the end 2.5 months ago it seems to be even more than that. Could this coincide with having an addictive personality? i.e, being addicted in an affair?
I was just wondering how many others out there have had the same experience. It's bothering me enough to want to get some help with it.
I was just wondering how many others out there have had the same experience. It's bothering me enough to want to get some help with it.

Pages
I did go to counseling a few yrs. ago to try to understand why I had turned to an affair despite the fact that I have a wonderful husband and two precious daughters. Before the councilor would talk about the A, she wanted to concentrate on my upbringing. This took me off guard and I was not ready to "go there" so I stopped seeing her. It's funny, I have pretty much been a tower all my life, must be strong or I will not survive mentality. I am 42 and it's only been in the last few years that I have recognized and felt the burden of my upbringing. I guess it's true what they say, "you can run but you can't hide." I have thought about going back to counseling but I think I am afraid to find out that I am not quite the tower of strength I've always thought I was.
You've set off a whole row of whistles & bells for me.
<<>>
While I've no substance abuses nor none in my immediate family, I certainly have plenty of emotional distance and emotional abuse from my father from which my mother tried valiantly to shield/protect me. I choose to have no contact with my father - LOL I was doing NC before I even knew what it was LOL! Two years ago, I broke that for the first time in 8yrs to inform him he'd become a grandfather for the first time.
<<>>
Yup-yup-yup. Survival of the fittest, right? I was 38 when I began to recognise the burden of my upbringing. I also noticed how closely I'd replicated the feelings of my childhood home environment in my relationship with exOM and that made me decide that this stuff really wasn't gonna just go away until I'd dealt with it.
<<>>
You know, that was a concern of mine, too. It ranked right up there with `Hey, what if I just plain don't like being anything other than what I am right now?' In the end I figured I needed help to get to the bottom of the cesspit I'd built for myself and heck if I didn't like it, I'd just go back to the old me. No biggie.
I've braved the counselling and got the the very core of my issues. I've discovered I am actually FAR stronger than I ever thought I was or even believed possible. I've discovered my sense of self-worth is something I determine by my own actions rather than by whether or not I can "win" someone's love by jumping through x-amount of fiery hoops. I've discovered the person others seemed to see in me and were drawn to, but whom I could never quite see for myself. I also discovered what it means to love and be loved.
I've slowly learned to cherish the little everyday things rather than pinning my happiness on something sometime far off in the future if or when x or y or z finally happens.
My 2yr old daughter's joy is contageous. She's in raptures if she can find a "boo fwow-ah" (trans:- blue flower) that she can carry around with her as we walk. If there's no blue flower, well, a yellow one really is every bit as exciting. If there's no flower, she'll dance with a fallen leaf or a blade of grass. She'll tell everyone who passes it's her "fwow-ah," and wants them to have it.
These are only a tiny portion of the many things I missed before I was really ready to "see" them, CGU.
These are the things I hope you'll find for yourself in IC, too.
Wishing you strength & peace,
Posie
<>
That statement is priceless. I've been keeping a "online" journal and this will be my next entry. I am in school and have a month off between semesters. I will research a good councilor and go when I get a break from school.
Your daughter sounds so precious. Mine are 15 and 20, the time goes by WAY too fast!
I too found myself drinking more as I became entangled with my OM. I attributed it to life stress, and the shame I was trying very hard to suppress regarding the A, among other things.
Ironically it was my OM who helped me decide to, and inevitably become sober. It was the best thing that has happened to me in years. :)
I am not one to feel comfortable in big groups like an AA meeting but I knew I needed some type of help. My OM gave me a book called Rational Recovery. With that and his support I quit.
Now as I said, it was ironic in that once I became sober, it became clear and possible, for me to end the A.
I have since started IC as I realized I needed the support of a real life in my face person,
I have been drinking the same or less, which isn't all that much, but I do think I am addicted to this board :-) When I get home I hurry to get on and see what y'all are saying! One drink a night can be very good for you--it's when you take the seven drinks for the week and have them all at once. I have been trying to spend a little less time on this board so my H doesn't think I am having an online affair!!!
All the best to everyone this weekend!
Meg
Pages