After A, did primary Rltnship suffer?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2004
After A, did primary Rltnship suffer?
3
Sun, 02-06-2005 - 12:51pm

It's been a month of no contact with MM. So far I have noticed that things with my BF are not that great. I actually thought going without MM would help my relationship with BF, but I am finding the opposite. Did any of you feel the same way?

My BF and I have been together for about 8 years. We have had a long distance relationship for some time (which is maybe why I had an A). I am finding that I don't feel like my BF listens to me. I realize that MM was the person I enjoyed talking to most in my life. Maybe since all my needs were being met, I was ok, but now...

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Sun, 02-06-2005 - 11:02pm

NLNY

Yes

Betraying a relationship CANNOT make it better contrary to what some people preach, at most it hides the flaws in the relationship but there still there when the cheating is done, they have been left to fester rather then having been dealt with.

Time to address the issues with B/F and to see if it can be fix or if you even what to fix it.

Free

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2004
Mon, 02-07-2005 - 11:32pm

Yes, I agree.

Let me clarify one thing though. I didn't get into the affair because I thought it would make things better. The affair was an accident. Some of you may think "it was no accident", but I mean that I wasn't looking for it. MM and I didn't ever have IC. We did kiss and talked just about every day. Of all the people in my life I enjoyed talking to him most of all.

When I talk to BF (he is long-distance by the way), and he says things when I am talking like "why should I care?" (yea, and it's primarily a relationship by phone and he has a problem giving me "good phone") I guess maybe when I was talking to MM I brushed comments like that off because I was getting good conversation from someone else. Now I am noticing these things....

I am also talking to a therapist right now about this stuff. I cannot get through this on my own. I am so confused as to why I did things, etc. Boy do I sound so mixed up or what?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Mon, 02-07-2005 - 11:54pm

NLU

Most people don't go out looking to get into an affair or think it will make there primary relationship better...BUT I have run into several who said it was making there M better but many were new to the affair others learned the hardway when there spouse found out it did not help there M one bit in the end, the only way to deal with a problem is to face.

But I stray from the topic... your not married so your free to end that LD relationship if it is not working for you, lots of SM out there these days.

Free