After two YEARS of LC at work.................

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-23-2008
After two YEARS of LC at work.................
7
Sun, 02-06-2011 - 8:47pm

He started joking around with me in email.

(Backstory - we work closely together in our jobs and there is absolutely no escaping this. We email up to 20 times a day and have been LC for 2 years. The end was very, very nasty. A d-day, his wife emailing me, him threatening me in my office to not start conversations with him when I was only talking about work.)

So recently he's started joking around with me in the emails at work. I found this very odd considering his wife had found out about our EA (we had kissed twice but no PA) and it seemed like he wanted absolutely nothing to do with me and made me out to be the bad guy only when both of us were to blame. You can read some of my old posts to see how bad things became.

So I called him on it and asked him why now was he joking around? He replied to my email saying he wanted to be cordial, that it was OK if we joked around, said hello in the hall (which I don't even look at him when we pass in the hall now). He also said this could happen but we were not going backwards and we would not speak about stuff that did not relate to work. I was fuming, to say the least. Putting this on "his terms'.

I replied back saying thanks but no thanks. He burnt this bridge a long time ago.

It would've been quite easy to joke around with him and it actually would've made life easier in the grand scheme of things but deep down, my dignity wouldn't let me. So I've taken back my power and will not let him dictate anything I do-what I talk about or when. I don't need rules to talk to someone, sorry.

I just wanted to drop by and let all the newbies know, you can do this. It has been a long and rocky road but LC is the only way and if you are able to NC is the absolute only way. I always read that they will come back, in one form or another and I never really believed it. Especially after the horrendous end we had. Always keep your guard up. Always.

Tynk


no contact means feeling free, not feeling guilty and looking in the mirror and finally, finally&n

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2010

GREAT JOB!

I love the way you put it: YOU BURNT YOUR BRIDGE A LONGGG time ago.

Thanks for stopping by and sharing this revelation and wisdom.

I can honestly say when it comes to affairs....I will NEVER again be surprised by any behavior that results from one.

Best to you!

Michelle

Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart... Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens. I started looking inside and went NC October 15, 2010
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2011

Way to go Tynkerbell. I must admit that it's one of the things that scares me most - that we can never be absolutely sure that we have put the past behind us, and could at any time face the challenge of an unexpected phone call or email or chance encounter.

Sounds as though you handled yourself with self-respect and dignity. :)

Kat.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2009

Tynkerbell, hi! I remember your posts from a long time ago. I am in a similar situation like you , and yes it's so hard!!! I am so very proud of you of you handled this... well done! And yes, we always have to keep our guards up... Hugs!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2009

(((Tynk))) and ((How to)))

It's so nice to see the two of you again although the circumstances bringing you here are disconcerting. I totally understand where both of you are "posting" from. LC is indeed a very difficult process to adhere to. Tynk, you are absolutely right about NEVER LETTING YOUR GUARD DOWN. Not for a minute. The best way to assist you in this is to always turn a blind eye whenever you see/hear/smell him close.

Be where you are; otherwise you will miss your life. ~ Buddha
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2009

((((iddy)))) it warms my heart that you remember me! LC is not only a very difficult process but a very long one as well :-(

No, my annoying xAP still has not moved . I don't think he ever will! I want to move myself, and my H would like to move as well, but we don't have the money for it. So I am stuck in this neighborhood for now.

How am I really doing now......... ups and downs..... it's hard. Victoryismine is my great example LOL

No, he has not yet stopped renting space in my head.

The A is over, but it's so hard having to see him ...

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-09-2007

Thank you so much for sharing. I really needed to know that even when the end is a complete disaster you can still be employed together. I spent most of the day looking for a new job only to find there is not much out there.

Stay strong!

KJ

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2009

Tynk- I am totally impressed with you taking the power back.