aftereffects of affair

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2005
aftereffects of affair
2
Fri, 01-07-2005 - 8:43pm
I am new to this board, just needed to find support since no one else I know can understand. I recently ended an affair with a coworker after being caught by my husband. We never had physical sex but had many very detailed discussions regarding sex via email. After drinking on afternoon after school, we kissed. AFter that, we ended it, vowed we had gone too far as we are both married and I was very good friends with his wife. We went back to working professionally and I actually felt better about it all. Glad it was over. Well then my husband found our emails (had a friend hack into my email account) and busted us. Actually came into my place of work and nailed us. Well things have been better than ever between my husband and I. We have communicated more in the last month than we have in the last 10 years of our marriage. However, I went back to work this week after a 2 week holiday break (I'm a teacher) and have to work with this man. The best thing to do would be to find a new job, yes, I know that. However, as a teacher, I cannot move to a new school in the middle of the year. And because he works on the same team as me, I have to work with him very closely. There is no way I can do anything to get away from him until the end of the school year. It has been so awkward this week and I just don't know how I am going to make it through the end of the year. Any advice on what to do? I plan on quitting my job at the end of the year and doing something else, but what do I do to make it emotionally until then? Thanks for any advice you can give!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Fri, 01-07-2005 - 9:08pm

CMW

When your at work be the total professional, your there to work not to be buddy buddy, out side of required professional contact don't have any and that includes LUNCHS smoke breaks drinks or anything else at all.

If you can't do this then its time to quit.

What ever you do keep the communicating going with your husband spend both quality and quantity time with him, if his job allows do some mid week lunchs with him.

JMHO

Free

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2004
Sat, 01-08-2005 - 4:35am

Because your affair was discovered, you have no choice but to stick with the program of conducting yourself as a professional. Any backsliding could ruin your marriage. Always keep that in your mind first and foremost. With that said, how good of an actor are you? <<>>> Seriously, you simply set boundaries. No personal discussions, no talking about the past, no cutesy little glances or flirations, NONE of that stuff. Make sure you do not lead him on one IOTA! If you must make nice because of other coworkers, ALWAYS talk about your husband and what the two of you are doing later, that evening, that weekend...do you have children? Talk about them, or your dog or you pet chia plant :)