Aftermath
Find a Conversation
| Sun, 09-06-2009 - 11:16pm |
So freaking mad at myself for being overconfident and breaking NC. So for anyone tempted to break it, here's how the conversation with an evil narcissist xAP will go - (actual conversation from this morning. Didn't recognize the number on the phone and answered... ugh)
JAM "Hey there. I wanted to talk to you about where my mind is. Well I have made a lot of progress on my personal happiness, and my marriage is not that bad, I'm not unhappy. With you out of the equation I will likely not make any changes. But you never know." (of course they always add that little 'possible open door', don't they. One of their manipulative tricks to keep you hooked.)
Trix "I really don't think your wife would appreciate you talking to me."
JAM "Probably not (sooooo considerate of his wife, isn't he). But I really want to stay in touch with you by any means, and by your rules. I don't want you out of my life. I adore spending time with you and I want that." (Me, me, me. That's so not hot.)
Trix "That is incredibly selfish of you. Be that as it may, you're just disturbing my hard-earned peace of mind, so I prefer not to have any contact with you at all. Dinner was a total mistake and there will be no more dinners."
JAM "I will leave you alone for a while. But I reserve the right to be able to send you an email from time to time, and you can get in touch with me anytime you want, I'm there for you."
Trix "That's not necessary. I'm sure you can email other people instead of me. And you won't be getting any contact from me anyway."
JAM "But I want to Email YOU. You are so very important to me!! You have no idea!"
Trix "That is complete BS (starts crying). I never mattered enough to you. I was never important enough to you, JAM. Look at how inconsiderately you treated me."
JAM "I know I was a d!ck, but you really really mattered. You are important to me!! You need to let go of the past!"
Trix "Well I really don't care about you anymore so it doesn't matter."
JAM "I know you are my special someone, Trixie."
Trix "Maybe, but let me tell you with the way you treated me you are far from being MY special someone. I still believe there is someone out there for me, who will treat me as his queen, his one and only. And I won't settle. I can afford not to settle, because I am content and not at all unhappy being with myself. I just don't care about having contact with you, I don't want or need you in my life."
JAM "But I need to have YOU in my life - I promise, no drama and I won't bug you."
CAN'T THIS RETARD TAKE A FREAKING HINT!! I even eliminated several cycles of 'I need u in my life - No, I don't want you in my life' for the sake of brevity.
Trix "No, my peace of mind must be protected at all costs. I won't be contacting you and I expect the same. I have to go now - goodbye."
Hung up and cried, and cried. Then my small son came and gave me a big hug. I was really happy about that, I needed it.
Trixie sez: PLEASE don't break NC, ladies. My Labor Day weekend is pretty much ruined now. Hopefully can be productive tomorrow, will throw myself in home improvements. The paint cans are waiting, lol.
I was living in fear that he would try to contact me again but now I will just put it behind me; I have been uber-clear that contact will not be welcome so if he has half a brain-cell left he will listen. I am so glad I'm not in a RL relationship with this self-centered loser.
trixie xo


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Geez, he really, really is selfish.
He is cut off, as of when I hung up the phone. I reprogrammed him back into my contacts so I can recognize his number and not answer. His email is filtered to trash. I've said my piece and I don't want to talk to him ever again.
It's so scary to really, fully realize how much of the unhappiness and pain in my life was the direct result of my affair with him. Incredible how one person can be so toxic to your well-being. He's a POS and doesn't deserve a second of my time, he's already had too much of my attention.
Can you believe he told me I was still the first thing he thought of when he woke up in the morning and the last thing when he went to bed at night. What a whack job.
trixie
Thats what i love about this site- the silent friendship and mutual support that i would have never possibly dreamed of here in RL.
I am just so dog gone darn proud of you Trixie. Cheers!
Trixie-
It freaked me out when your last line said you JAM said "Your the first thing I think of in the morning and the last thing I think of before I go to bed...."
Hi Trixie, just wanted to send you a big ((hug)) hope you're feeling a little better now thanks for posting and I know you will soon bounce back from your encounter with self centered loser JAM! WOW - says his marriage isn't that bad yet he's still trying to reel you in what a prize (turkey) :)
((hugs)) Roxy xx
Trixie,
I just wanted to say that I respect you for posting about the aftermath of this all. It has helped me more than you know. At almost 6 months NC, I have been also feeling confident and thinking about clearing the air. But I just had a feeling it would of been a really BAD idea. Now I know it would be a very bad idea. You are so much better than this loser JAM and I have a feeling you will find someone who will treat you like a queen :)
Hey Trixie -
Hope that you are feeling better today and are still strong in your resolve to be NC.
STB - you are so sweet :) I know what you mean abt all the friendship and support here. I felt like 'someone' was protecting me in all of this. I was saying all the right things to prevent him from hurting me, spouting a lot of what I learned here, in therapy and also on my personal journey.
I am very happy that I stood up to him, even though I did make the mistake of interacting with him. I really did tell him he was selfish, etc. that kind of felt good (but never talking to him would have felt better, I know) also glad I hung up on him, I was never the one to hang up the phone during the A. Desperate for every little crumb of attention I could get, back then.
Today felt better, I threw myself into home improvement work and the manual labor was good for the mind :)
Hope you're doing ok! big hugs!
trixie xo
"Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, it is about learning to dance in the rain.”
LL - I totally get what you mean. My xMM used to tell me he thought abt me all the time, as if it meant something really really big. D-uh. Yawn.
LOL about the 'whack' part - xMM used to do that too sometimes. When his W wasn't around. He even did it once when his best friend was in the living room, waiting for him so they could go for dinner. Sick. He said he still does it while thinking of me, even after all this time. SICK!!! That grossed me out.
Congrats on getting an appt with an addiction counselor, that is awesome. I'll bet you'll learn a ton of coping tricks, do share with us!!
big hugs!
trixie xo
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