Ah tough day here

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2009
Ah tough day here
9
Sun, 10-17-2010 - 1:17pm

I didnt go to bed till 2:30 last night....or actually I should say this morning.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-25-2010
Sun, 10-17-2010 - 3:03pm

Big hugs to you!

----
'It may be that when we no longer know what to do,
We have come to our real work,
And that when we no longer know which way to go,
We have begun our real journey'
- Wendell Berry

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2010
Sun, 10-17-2010 - 3:30pm

((((((NoLove))))))

POWERFUL stuff WC had to say. I haven't arrived at this place yet...Im sure I will - but it made sense that if you're feeling EMPTY - maybe the thing to do is REMIND yourself of WHO YOU ARE- WHAT MAKES YOU, YOU? SPECIAL?

I know I LOST myself in the A - I had to have others remind me who I was (that's SCARY)...

Maybe it's not Him or the A - you're missing? or feeling melancholy about...maybe its your lost self?

Im curious...After I heard WC describe herself...

WHO ARE YOU? :)

Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart... Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens. I started looking inside and went NC October 15, 2010
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2010
Sun, 10-17-2010 - 4:04pm

Wfm, great post...really great post

Luvin
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2010
Sun, 10-17-2010 - 4:15pm

I meant to tell you that you should go under the wisdoms and insights thread and look for some posts by TU and Deeulta if you want to find a ton of things to keep you occupied during those tough times....If you can not find it, let me know. It's a pretty exhaustive list of so many things to do to help you during this difficult time.

Luvin
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2010
Sun, 10-17-2010 - 4:29pm
((hugs)) Love.

Something in your post struck me - that was your statement about ALL your xAPs. I am not sure how many of us here have had multiple affairs, but I would bet that the fact that you have had more than one, means that the impacts on your self-esteem and self-worth have been cumulative and far-reaching: both in terms of the breadth of the damage and the depth. If you've never really dealt with your H's infidelity, but instead turned to this self-harming behavior, than goodness knows what feelings you've been shoving down over the YEARS. Love, you're having such a hard time because the withdrawl from the addiction after that long is being magnified by so many hard to face issues. Your being strong now for the first time in a long time, you're taking care of you and right now, given ALL that you've put yourself through, that's gotta be good enough. You've had a lifetime of hurts and emotional scarring ... please don't be too hard on yourself. Once this immediate crisis phase starts to ease away, you've got some 'other' hard work to get busy doing or I'm afraid you will end up in another affair.

As an aside, a couple of us have suggested you change your moniker to something more positive and affirming, I'm curious as to why you are hanging on to this rather negative and demeaning one?

((hugs))

TU.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2004
Sun, 10-17-2010 - 6:16pm

Hi nolove4me,

I am hoping after some sleep you are feeling not so empty inside.

Community Leader
Registered: 06-08-2010
Sun, 10-17-2010 - 7:27pm
Hi Love, I am also sorry to hear of your lack of sleep and the thoughts racing of xAP. He has no right to your thoughts or anything that is YOU. Easier said than done, though. Jen has a great suggestion about the bubble bath with lots and lots of bubbles! ;) One thing I have been doing alot more lately for "me" is running. Even though I am not much good at it, it sure keeps those ol' endorphins moving (in a positive way and not negatively like all the time wasted in bed with xAP) and also serves as a way for me to ward off depression when it rears its ugly head. Thankfully, I have been sleeping very well lately. XAP doesn't enter my dreams much, and if he does, the dreams are very negative (like his face is a scary clown and I am running away). My fear throughout the A and now in the aftermath has been if I would ever call out xAP's name in my sleep. I know that H would call me on it if he ever heard me, and so far that hasn't happened! Anyway, Love, please take good care of you and a happy Monday to you in advance. Hearts <3
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2010
Sun, 10-17-2010 - 9:02pm

Hi we "met" last night when I first posted and you kindly answered!

For me the weekends are always hardest so perhaps last nite, being Saturday night, got you especially down?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2009
Sun, 10-17-2010 - 9:52pm

Thank you everyone for you kind words and big show of support.