Aha moment

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
Aha moment
2
Wed, 05-26-2004 - 11:23pm
I had a great Aha moment tonight that I thought I would share. I realized as I was driving that I am a VERY emotional person and that all my life I have tried to CONTROL those emotions. So that I don't seem too needy or I don't burden people with my sadness, etc. Well, I realized that I don't have to control my emotions, I can totally recognize them and still have choices. I can ask for what I need to deal with them. I won't always get that support, which can be heartbreaking, but that just means I have to surround myself with better people who will be able to respond to my needs.

I've never really known how to deal with my emotions so I mostly just squash them and hold it inside, try to be super strong. Well, they are much less powerful when you verbalize them and ask for help. That doesn't mean it's easy, but at least now I recognize that it is possible.

-Real

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2003
In reply to:
Thu, 05-27-2004 - 12:56am
Hey! Have you read "Codependent No More" by Melody Beatty? It helped me alot in dealing with issues like you described. Another good one is "The Dance of Anger."

Recognizing this in yourself is a huge step toward identifying your behaviours & choices that feed this attitude. I have to stop and think at times to check myself: am I trying to manipulate someone else? Controlling your own emotions is also about trying to control others sometimes. Taking charge of & responsibility for yourself is challenging but tremendously rewarding. Being open & honest, seeking help in a straightforward way when you need it is so freeing!

Good luck!

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
In reply to:
Thu, 05-27-2004 - 11:44am
I know of the book and actually owned it at one time but I don't think I ever read it. Denial, maybe? Anyway, I definitely know that I have co-dependent traits. It's one thing to know it and another when you actually realize it on a deeper level, know what I mean?

I will check out the other book too. For the longest time, I thought, "Me, I'm not angry." And at the same time I could never figure out why I was SO depressed. I know now that I have a LOT of anger. I just repress it so easily though.

Thanks for the suggestions!

-Real