All this emotional baggage..

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
All this emotional baggage..
2
Thu, 02-05-2004 - 2:36pm
is just wearing me out. All of these feelings keep messing with my mind and heart that it puts me in a horrible mood. I'm trying so hard to stay away from him, I don't look for his car in the parking lot anymore, I've deleted all of the personal emails between us, I don't call him anymore, but he keeps coming around. I've done everything short of just being a total ass to him. I just can't bring myself to do that because I still have feelings for him. Don't know if they were truly ever reciprocated or not, I guess I'll never know. Maybe that's why I can't have the closure I want because he just leaves me hanging. Can't close it that way. I just want to run away sometimes and start all over. No XMM, no H, nothing. If I didn't have 2 DD's to think about I would have already left. Oh BTW - the job sucks too. How much further can I sink??? At this point in time I can't think of ANYTHING that makes me happy right now. Even venting doesn't make me feel better. But I still keep up that happy appearance so no one knows or questions it....why are so many of us suffering from this closet depression?

OM4M
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2003
Thu, 02-05-2004 - 5:28pm
Closet depression is exactly what it is. We suffer in silence with no one to turn to. It does get easier over time but I still find that when I see xmm sometimes I still have raw emotions that pop up. We worked together the other day and for the last few days I have been really annoyed with him. He really didn't do anything, but still he annoyed me. Next time I see him, who knows. I'm so glad that I don't have to work full-time and I very rarely see him. I get so tired of going through all of this.

I don't know if this will work for you but whenever I get totally fed up with everyone and everything I go window shopping all by myself. I call it "me time". Even if you go sit in a bookstore and browse through books, or even the library. Take a break from everyone, it will help. I love my children more than anything in the world, but sometimes we all still need a break to do things just for us. It might make you feel better.

Good luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2003
Thu, 02-05-2004 - 7:01pm
don't suffer like this. get help. find a good therapist. My insurance co-pay covered all but $20 a session. The best $160 I ever spent! Check your insurance or local agencies that provide mental health services. Depression is treatable -- situational depression, based on something specific like this is VERY treatable.