All I Do is Cry

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2003
All I Do is Cry
2
Wed, 01-28-2004 - 8:57am
Hello everyone,

I am new to this board but I really don't have any place else to go. I just ended my 3 year affair with the most beautiful man i will ever meet in life. I have decided to to work through my 10 year marriage (I know my husband for 22 years as well)after an extremely verbally, and emotionally abusive relationship. We have both decided to go into counseling as well as my husband going to indivdual counseling.

Will I ever be happy again? All I do is cry. I just want the crying to stop, I want the pain to stop. I want to be happy again. It hurts so very much. I can't describe in words what my affair has given to me and I feel like I have a hole in me now. I want my family back and I want to work out my marriage. I feel so very alone right now. I have messed up my life real bad right now. Can anyone help in making this pain stop?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
Wed, 01-28-2004 - 10:37am
Midnight:

Welcome to the board. You certainly belong here. There are a bunch of really great and understanding people around here. We've all felt the pain the you feel. I don't have much wisdom to share about how to deal with things - other than to be very good to yourself by eating right, sleeping, and go get your hair done and exercise too. It doesn't seem like those things will reduce the pain - but, it will help make you feel better in general. Getting out of an affair has been the roughest thing I've ever done in my life and I haven't really been very successful yet. I've learned that it is a process. So, let yourself go through that process and don't fight any of it, as it will only intensify and prolong the pain. It sounds like you know what you want, which is more than alot of us here. Just keep plugging along toward that goal. I am reading a book called, "Codependent No More" by Melody Beatty. It is specifically for people married to alcoholics - but, I am not in that situation and have still found this book to be the best self-help book I've ever read. If you were/are in an abusive situation, you would probably find it very relevant. I'm pretty convinced that most of the people struggling to get out of an affair are codependent in nature... just a suggestion... it has helped me to 'calm down' about my life. The author has amazing insight into human nature. I am personally trying to follow the book and just concentrate on building a happy life that focuses on me. I've never done that before... always worried about other people and their problems.

Keep posting and reading. It will help. Again, welcome to the board.

Bird

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
Wed, 01-28-2004 - 11:13am
Midnightblue~

Just a quick question....is your current marriage verbally/emotionally abusive? Or was it a relationship PRIOR to your current marriage?

IF your current marriage is emotionally/verbally/psychologically abusive....2 things: DON'T DO MARRIAGE COUNSELING!! and go over to the Recognizing and Dealing with Domestic Abuse Board. If this is you and you want to know, click on my name and send me an email...and I'll explain further. (btw, I'm dealing with an abusive marriage as well as ending an ema).

If this is not your current situation....never mind. LOL but still go over to the board to do some reading....because it may help to identify some unresolved issues.

Dharma

ps...welcome (?) to the board...it gets better in time...really. I just ended a 2 year affair (mostly emotional) with a beautiful man as well...but it was mostly about my personal issues and abusive marriage that led me here. He's a good man, never used me or lied to me...and that I'm appreciative of. But it was the deceit and lack of integrity that caused us to eventually walk away from all this....very hard, but very necessary. Besides, I need the pain of my current marriage to push me to go forward and GET OUT..instead of using exMM to cover up all the pain.