Is this all real????? Long

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2009
Is this all real????? Long
12
Thu, 12-17-2009 - 9:29pm

I have a feeling this is going to be long so please bear with me...thank you in advance.


I will give you a brief version of my past for those that don't know me. I have been

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
Fri, 12-18-2009 - 9:46am

Kristen,


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   ~Iddy~ 


iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2009
Fri, 12-18-2009 - 9:51am

I hear ya girl!! I have thought the same things. My NC has not been as long as yours hun (good job!) but I do understand what you mean. When is all the self reflection, praying, work make it safe? And is it just another false sense of reality? I wonder that myself sometimes and then reflect on to the shape my head was in during the A. That is when it becomes clear that I am indeed in a different place for the better. I am stronger. I am able to make decisions without wondering is someone going to find out. A calm always occurs because I realize my life is returning to the honest and open way it used to be.


I have come to realize that real is hard to accept when the "fake" is gone. Kinda like in Pretty Woman when she says "The bad stuff is easier to believe". The fake stuff is easier to believe because the sick little A mind can twist it into any fantasy of our choosing and twist it til it feels "real".


I enoy the real though and it is amazing how it is harder to accept. Self reflection I have come to realize sucks at times yet a rainbow always seems to shine through at some point. LOL Thank goodness!!! :)


Take care,


Hope


iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2006
Fri, 12-18-2009 - 9:51am

Hi Kristin...


I feel like this quite often, actually.


H and I went through a "honeymoon phase" when we both recommited to the M...a lot of sex, couldn't stand to be apart, etc.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-15-2009
Fri, 12-18-2009 - 10:18am

You are never 'safe' enough to stop doing the work....imo.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2009
Fri, 12-18-2009 - 10:37am

Ms. Mickey!!! Listen to your rocking self....such a change. Had to let ya know hun. Go on with your bad self!!!!


You make good points hun! :) I think we always have to be aware of being in touch with ourselves and empowering ourselves to continue to grow to avoid drifting back to the insecurities that let the A wedged itself in to our lives.


I remind myself that every day cannot be a good day but I do have the control to make every day a good day! I can allow myself to wallow and get down or I can change my thinking and turn it around. Some days it works...some days it doesn't.


Take care,


Hope


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2009
Fri, 12-18-2009 - 5:12pm

Iddy,


I do notice the changes in myself.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2009
Fri, 12-18-2009 - 5:15pm

Thank you for your words. I tend to often overanalyze also. I just wanted to let other know that they aren't alone in feeling this way and it helped greatly to know I wasn't alone either.


Kristin

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2009
Fri, 12-18-2009 - 5:28pm

Thank you for your response. I agree that we should keep doing the work which is actually what I am going to do and now I have another

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-15-2009
Fri, 12-18-2009 - 8:28pm

Hi Hope,


It's great to hear from you!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2009
Fri, 12-18-2009 - 8:55pm

Doin pretty peachie actually. :)


Well, at least the sensible logical side is handling everything wonderfully. Maybe the emotional side needed a rest for a day or two. :) Glad the new job is rocking along and your NC is back in full force. :)


Starting Christmas shopping tomorrow with the hubby. Will be awesome! :) Haven't chatt with xAP in over a month...can't remember exact length of time which is a good thing. :) Looking forward to Christmas as well if my DS would get well. :(


Take care girl!


Hope


PS Kristinintexas....i will stop

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