When thoughts of xap come and go for me what I have realized in my low moments to get myself out of them is I cannot use someone to see me past those moments even if they seem to go on for a long time. I need to do the hard work and I even texted myself what I just said to you to keep myself focused. I understand more what Michelle has mentioned in posts in previous months about filling voids. She had a poem about a sidewalk that I am going to look for, I feel that I will get better understanding from the poem. MC, you did all the right actions to keep busy and you have made huge progress. It's a working in progress and I think you will see the progress you have made in the actions you did not take that you may have taken 3 months ago. I just made it to 3 months without smoking and I thought I wouldnt be struggling at this point, but I still do. Bad habits take time to change and I think as long as we are finding new ways to face those hard times then we are learning and equiping ourselves with new tools. I hope you are feeling in better spirits and remember how well you are doing, you are very encouraging to all of us here and I am glad you reached out for support for yourself:)
I could have written that post. This is what happens to me, 2 steps forward, 1 1/2 steps back. It gets very frustrating. The thing that I have found works best for me is just riding it out. I say to myself
" OK you are having a wierd day- what was the trigger? Am I feeling bored, lonely, unattractive, not special somehow, lacking in power somwhere in my life?.
I have found these to be my triggers as A are VERY POWERFUL in a few ways. For me- it made me feel attractive, wanted, special - all because of the things he said (initially). I felt that surely I MUST be special if he was booking hotels, taking me out etc. But also there is a certain power that comes with knowing asecret that noone else knows, tricking people, having an inside thrill when you hear people tsk tsking about someone having an A. Yes these are all appalling things but at their human and most base level- they are a drug like no other!!!
Big hugs to you MC. We all have those days and the wonderful thing about them is that they do pass and the next day you feel stronger than before. I'm not sure if you've read The Happiness Project, but Gretchen Rubin's website has some great suggestions for lifting your spirits when you're having a blue day.
MC....maybe its something in the air. Maybe it's the winter blahs. I dunno what it is because I've been feeling the same way. We can beat this though! I'm glad you posted on here and are seeking the support and it sounds like you are doing all the right things by keeping busy. Kat had a good reading suggestion - I have heard good things about The Happiness Project. I hope you are doing okay tonight. Thinking of you....
Hi Jen, You are right bad thabits take time to change. I remember the sidewalk poem, I will try and find it. I am feeling some better today. Thanks for your support. MC
Iggy, You are so right. I think the trigger was feeling lonely and bored and exactly when someone finds you attractive and exciting it is a powerful thing. I am feeling more positive today and I know I made the right decision.. I will just ride this out. Tomorrow will be better. Thanks for being here for me . MC
Hi Cait, Yes maybe part of this is the Winter blues. Who knows. I am so happy that I have so many friends on EAS that I can turn to when im feeling down. Hope you are feeling better too. MC
Hi Garfy, Yes im still working on what triggers these blue feelings. Im not a winter person so perhaps the snow and cold has something to do with it too. Thanks for caring. MC
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When thoughts of xap come and go for me what I have realized in my low moments to get myself out of them is I cannot use someone to see me past those moments even if they seem to go on for a long time. I need to do the hard work and I even texted myself what I just said to you to keep myself focused. I understand more what Michelle has mentioned in posts in previous months about filling voids. She had a poem about a sidewalk that I am going to look for, I feel that I will get better understanding from the poem. MC, you did all the right actions to keep busy and you have made huge progress. It's a working in progress and I think you will see the progress you have made in the actions you did not take that you may have taken 3 months ago. I just made it to 3 months without smoking and I thought I wouldnt be struggling at this point, but I still do. Bad habits take time to change and I think as long as we are finding new ways to face those hard times then we are learning and equiping ourselves with new tools. I hope you are feeling in better spirits and remember how well you are doing, you are very encouraging to all of us here and I am glad you reached out for support for yourself:)
Oh MC
I could have written that post. This is what happens to me, 2 steps forward, 1 1/2 steps back. It gets very frustrating. The thing that I have found works best for me is just riding it out. I say to myself
" OK you are having a wierd day- what was the trigger? Am I feeling bored, lonely, unattractive, not special somehow, lacking in power somwhere in my life?.
I have found these to be my triggers as A are VERY POWERFUL in a few ways. For me- it made me feel attractive, wanted, special - all because of the things he said (initially). I felt that surely I MUST be special if he was booking hotels, taking me out etc. But also there is a certain power that comes with knowing asecret that noone else knows, tricking people, having an inside thrill when you hear people tsk tsking about someone having an A. Yes these are all appalling things but at their human and most base level- they are a drug like no other!!!
Take care and let us know how you're doing.
Kat
When triggers come, we have to ask the questions then deal with the responses.
Stay strong and tomorrow will be better.
Hugs to you
You are right bad thabits take time to change. I remember the sidewalk poem, I will try and find it. I am feeling some better today. Thanks for your support. MC
I am feeling more positive today and I know I made the right decision.. I will just ride this out. Tomorrow will be better. Thanks for being here for me . MC
MC
Yes maybe part of this is the Winter blues. Who knows. I am so happy that I have so many friends on EAS that I can turn to when im feeling down. Hope you are feeling better too.
MC
MC
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