As your fellow comrade in arms these last 3 months...
Let me say a FEW things (like that capitalization?) :)
1. YOU ARE DOING SO EFFING BOMB AND HAVE BEEN FOR SOOOO LONG!!!!! UHM, I NOW FEEL SAD THAT I HAVENT STOPPED DOWN TO TELL YOU PRIOR TO NOW HOW GREAT YOURE DOING!!! Im sorry I took this for granted, and as someone who cares about you...I wished I'd have PATTED YOU ON THE BACK MANY MORE TIMES PRIOR TO NOW.
2. THESE EMOTIONAL CRAZIES (I call them the codependent crazies) have HIT me too, out of nowhere...and let me tell you...I personally didnt react so well - I was hysterical, emotional, hopeless, etc. So you're even to be commended for coming here, with all this grace - and calm - and posting the things youve done to COPE with the surprise emotions (affair = the 'gift' that just wont quit giving) (not to be confused with...but similar to herpes) sorry. Couldnt resist.
HOWEVS!
From everything I've learned and been reading lately - the EMOTIONS at this point out - are SAFE to be expressed. SAFE for you to DEAL with them. So many before me - discussed with you the triggers and dont you know, that's the truth! We all have the holes in us that beg for something at times - the reasons we landed in an a in the first place. They dont go away over night, and who knows if they ever go away completely? But REASONING our way through them, and NOT letting them lead us down a pathway of poor choices - which ends up resulting in DESTROYED LIVES...is the KEY.
Everyone's schooled me into RELAXING in the emotion for a moment. Let them have their expression. I was afraid i'd either run back to jam or go crazy. So I bottled them & then they explode. LET THEM OUT...MAYBE HAVE A GOOD CRY??? The day after I bawled like a baby....I felt light years ahead in terms of being OVER the trigger having any affect on me.
Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart... Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens. I started looking inside and went NC October 15, 2010
You are not alone, hun. Three months really isn't that long in the grand scheme of things. I've been caught off guard a few times with some emotional recollections. Just like you did in the beginning of the ending, you just ride it out and know that your feelings and emotions are going to change.
When I get that kind of longing feeling now, it is ALWAYS because I am missing something, or feeling sad about something, or am doubting my own value, or blah, blah, blah. My thoughts go to him because there's some kind of false comfort there--it's called ESCAPE. It's called being to tired, scared, lonely to keep doing the hard work on the inside. So it's very easy to take comfort where we used to find it.
This will pass. Either sit with the thoughts and really examine the feelings you are deriving from your thoughts or push those thoughts aside and move on to more important things--YOU. Better yet, do them both. If you are anything like me, I no longer feel like I have to ignore or squash my thoughts or feelings about xap. Rather, I think I'm at a point in the healing where it is actually healthy to give myself a little time to think about him/the A/the feelings and try to find the connections between what was going on and the kind of feeling I got. By finding the correlation, it is helping me develop healthy alternatives to get the feelings/sensations I crave. Does that make sense?
Hang in there. You have done a marvelous job, MC, and I am very proud of how far you've come in three short months.
Thank you Always, I try to think through the feelings now too. When he comes to mind I try and figure out why. So yes it makes sense to me. I guess it is just one more step in this process. Have a good week. MC
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MC,
As your fellow comrade in arms these last 3 months...
Let me say a FEW things (like that capitalization?) :)
1. YOU ARE DOING SO EFFING BOMB AND HAVE BEEN FOR SOOOO LONG!!!!! UHM, I NOW FEEL SAD THAT I HAVENT STOPPED DOWN TO TELL YOU PRIOR TO NOW HOW GREAT YOURE DOING!!! Im sorry I took this for granted, and as someone who cares about you...I wished I'd have PATTED YOU ON THE BACK MANY MORE TIMES PRIOR TO NOW.
2. THESE EMOTIONAL CRAZIES (I call them the codependent crazies) have HIT me too, out of nowhere...and let me tell you...I personally didnt react so well - I was hysterical, emotional, hopeless, etc. So you're even to be commended for coming here, with all this grace - and calm - and posting the things youve done to COPE with the surprise emotions (affair = the 'gift' that just wont quit giving) (not to be confused with...but similar to herpes) sorry. Couldnt resist.
HOWEVS!
From everything I've learned and been reading lately - the EMOTIONS at this point out - are SAFE to be expressed. SAFE for you to DEAL with them. So many before me - discussed with you the triggers and dont you know, that's the truth! We all have the holes in us that beg for something at times - the reasons we landed in an a in the first place. They dont go away over night, and who knows if they ever go away completely? But REASONING our way through them, and NOT letting them lead us down a pathway of poor choices - which ends up resulting in DESTROYED LIVES...is the KEY.
Everyone's schooled me into RELAXING in the emotion for a moment. Let them have their expression. I was afraid i'd either run back to jam or go crazy. So I bottled them & then they explode. LET THEM OUT...MAYBE HAVE A GOOD CRY??? The day after I bawled like a baby....I felt light years ahead in terms of being OVER the trigger having any affect on me.
Hi Michelle,
Thank you for your response.
MC,
You are not alone, hun. Three months really isn't that long in the grand scheme of things. I've been caught off guard a few times with some emotional recollections. Just like you did in the beginning of the ending, you just ride it out and know that your feelings and emotions are going to change.
When I get that kind of longing feeling now, it is ALWAYS because I am missing something, or feeling sad about something, or am doubting my own value, or blah, blah, blah. My thoughts go to him because there's some kind of false comfort there--it's called ESCAPE. It's called being to tired, scared, lonely to keep doing the hard work on the inside. So it's very easy to take comfort where we used to find it.
This will pass. Either sit with the thoughts and really examine the feelings you are deriving from your thoughts or push those thoughts aside and move on to more important things--YOU. Better yet, do them both. If you are anything like me, I no longer feel like I have to ignore or squash my thoughts or feelings about xap. Rather, I think I'm at a point in the healing where it is actually healthy to give myself a little time to think about him/the A/the feelings and try to find the connections between what was going on and the kind of feeling I got. By finding the correlation, it is helping me develop healthy alternatives to get the feelings/sensations I crave. Does that make sense?
Hang in there. You have done a marvelous job, MC, and I am very proud of how far you've come in three short months.
(((HUGS)))
~alwayst2
I try to think through the feelings now too. When he comes to mind I try and figure out why. So yes it makes sense to me. I guess it is just one more step in this process. Have a good week.
MC
MC,
I toll still have those moments but I find if I ride them out, I am ok.
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