Also headin' out for a week

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-25-2010
Also headin' out for a week
8
Wed, 09-15-2010 - 5:55pm
Okay, so I'm not quite the pillar around here that Dee is (and we love her for it!) but, I'm headin' out for a week too and in a way, I'll also need some good thoughts/vibes.
As I'd mentioned a few times I'm heading off to the UK on Friday to present at a conference at Oxford (I'm a Phd student). I'm excited, it's my first solo conference and my first trip overseas, but more than anything I'm really nervous. I think I may have mentioned this in my 'looking deeper' into the why of the A (I'm S, xAP was a MM), but I have an odd relationship with school - I was a 'special ed' kid, failed a grade and most of my early years in school (up until the end of HS, really) I was always told that I wouldn't go very far scholastically. Obviously I have, but that fear that 'they were right' is always in the back of my head. Sometimes I read my work and it's good, but I think 'did I really write this? Was this me?'. This translated into the A when things got 'hard' and because I feared failing (which, up until I was neck-deep in the A wasn't a legit fear. Though, while fogged in it could have become a reality, ironically enough!) I sought an escape in/with xAP. Not only that, but he always found my work interesting and through him/telling him about it I re-discovered my work (even though it eventually fell to the wayside!) through him/telling him about it. While I understand my fear about all of this is totally irrational, it's still difficult to just push aside and work through/deal with it. The worry is still there.
Anyway, send some good wishes/luck if you can spare 'em! I'll also have very limited computer/internet use while I'm there, so while I may drop off for a week - it certainly doesn't mean that I'm back in the A hellfire!
Big hugs to all, take care of yourselves and see you on the flip side ;)

----
'It may be that when we no longer know what to do,
We have come to our real work,
And that when we no longer know which way to go,
We have begun our real journey'
- Wendell Berry

Walk n' Block. Total NC 08-13-10

----
'It may be that when we no longer know what to do,
We have come to our real work,
And that when we no longer know which way to go,
We have begun our real journey'
- Wendell Berry

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2010
Wed, 09-15-2010 - 6:25pm

Hey there!
I will defiantly keep you in my mind and be beaming strong "KICK SOME ARSE" Vibes across the Atlantic for you.

As a member of the 'Ph.Ds also do stupid things' club, I have to say that I know what you are feeling, and I also know that you will do great! I have now been through the process many times, and so my best advice is LOVE YOUR WORK and it will shine through in your presentation. I know that there are still times when I doubt myself and my work, and the whole self doubting of myself as a person because of my involvement in an A has added to that doubt as of late. BUT, what you are doing is not easy, and is reason to be proud. If for one am proud of you and wish you nothing but the best. Enjoy the UK, it is a really great place for a meeting.

Sending Calming Vibes your way
Peace&Light
Foggy

I do not know what is next in life...but at least I know what is NOT!
I do not know what is next in life...but at least I know what is NOT!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2010
Wed, 09-15-2010 - 8:20pm

hey wcfem,

have an AMAZING trip to the UK! i am also an overeducated idiot, and im so glad to be amongst my own here at EAS :) i guess it also explains why we have time to post on the boards so much--cos we do our actual work at night!!

first of all, i dont know if you noticed it, but your post contained an incredible insight into why you first got into the A. you were insecure about your abilities for so long, and when you started doing poorly, it seemed your insecurities were being confirmed. suddenly, here comes along another opportunity, both for validation as well as for escape, and you jump right into it. it all makes sense, and you should be very proud of yourself for making that connection.

listen, there are millions of reasons kids do poorly in school. youl would not be in the position you are in right now if your work did not have merit. we grad students know what along and lonely road the phD is, and no matter how bright you are, you trip up and screw up along the way. its a nice little metaphor for life, grad school.

so, remind yoruself that you've got a lot to offer, even when it doesn't feel like ti. remind yourself that shoring up your self esteem now is especially important. remind yourself that men in england have sexy accents, and even the posh ones start to sound a little cockney when drunk, which is just endearing. so go out there and find a nice brit for a few days and come back to us fresh and new :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2010
Thu, 09-16-2010 - 6:04am

Hi wcfm



Have a bloody good time! England is beautiful, and as you are single, think of all those cute English men you will meet.



Wooooohooooooo- ROCK ON smart chick :)



Iggyx

You are what you consistently do
You are what you consistently do
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2010
Thu, 09-16-2010 - 9:32am

wcfem, I was going to make a joke and say, "Hey, you decided to join Dee and go to that wedding?" :)



Garfy


NC since 13 September 2010 and trying to feel great...


Fate d

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2010
Thu, 09-16-2010 - 9:41am

wcfem (-:

I will be sending you a message privately; however I wanted to share 'here', that you are quite simply one of the most brilliant scholars that I have ever had the pleasure to meet (in person :-). Seriously fellow posters, I have been on the receiving end of wcf's incredible intellectual gift(s). You are a super star wcfem.

With love always,

TU.

LC/NC since April 14, 2010

"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it."
— Maya Angelou

LC/NC since April 14, 2010

"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it."
— Maya Angelou
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
Thu, 09-16-2010 - 10:37am

Have a safe trip and strut your stuff, honey. Young, smart, and probably beautiful too...those English blokes aren't going to know what hit them.



You'll be missed,

   ~Iddy~ 


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-25-2010
Thu, 09-16-2010 - 10:41am

Awh, thanks everyone - seriously! It really does help and I will keep all of you in mind as I brave the flight over (flying isn't exactly my 'thing', but I suppose I should get over that! :p) and while I'm presenting. Heck, in some ways what we're all doing here makes a presentation look like a walk in the park. Not to say the PhD/grad student road isn't long and difficult...but, I should keep in mind the strength and courage it took to get myself out of the A mess, and apply that to the presentation.
Foggy - good advice on 'loving my work', very true. Though, I'm sure you understand the feeling of looking at a paper so much you get a bit sick of it ;) It still stands though, I do find my field/work interesting. I'll give that a whirl, rather than presenting to come across as 'really smart/have a lot of info, but not a lot of passion/love for the subject', I'll try and lean a little more towards being excited/happy to present on the topic. I can think back to profs and presenters that did put across a lot of info, but if they looked like they just weren't into it, it really did detract from the overall quality of the presentation.
Exi - you're right, there are a lot of us PhD types here! TU, Foggy, me, yourself - I think there might be others too? Huh, I wonder why there is quite a concentration of us here (vs the % in the 'general population)? You also mention this:

"first of all, i dont know if you noticed it, but your post contained an incredible insight into why you first got into the A. you were insecure about your abilities for so long, and when you started doing poorly, it seemed your insecurities were being confirmed. suddenly, here comes along another opportunity, both for validation as well as for escape, and you jump right into it. it all makes sense, and you should be very proud of yourself for making that connection."

I am proud that I came to the conclusion, though I'm still a bit muddled up as to how to move past it. The interesting thing is, and also shows just how irrational fear/fear in relation to the past is/can be, I never actually started doing poorly (well, before the A. During the A I got by and did pretty well, but not nearly as well as I know I could have done!). I was just afraid of doing poorly (and thus, all the naysayers when I was growing up would be 'right'). So really, it had the potential to become a self-fulfilling prophecy, I shot myself in the foot (perhaps so others couldn't?). Anyway, I do know that is my major 'me' project - trying to be comfortable in my own skin and with my work (you other PhD'ers can understand how much of 'us', our very selves, get tied up and expressed in the work we do). It surely isn't all there is to me, but a great deal of my future is bound up in one of the things that I've been the least confidant about. Messes up the ol' noggin a bit!

TU - you make me blush! And, you know I can say the same for you! Especially since I've had the privilege of reading quite a bit of your work. So, perhaps it makes your comments even more meaningful. FYI: I still want to do a co-authored paper with you. I also just got your email, will reply soon. Did want to say - tears! Happy ones though, so thank you :)

Hey, other PhD folks (this is a bit of a random aside) what are your research areas? Maybe we'll do a EAS co-authored paper ;)

----
'It may be that when we no longer know what to do,
We have come to our real work,
And that when we no longer know which way to go,
We have begun our real journey'
- Wendell Berry

Walk n' Block. Total NC 08-13-10

----
'It may be that when we no longer know what to do,
We have come to our real work,
And that when we no longer know which way to go,
We have begun our real journey'
- Wendell Berry

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-25-2010
Thu, 09-16-2010 - 10:45am
Iddy, we must have posted around the same time, so I missed including you in my last post. Have to add my thanks to you too! :) So, thank you!
I shall report back once I'm on this side o' the Atlantic again. I will keep you all in mind and shall conduct myself in such a way that I have good stories for all the ladies and gents here upon my return ;) Not *those* kinds of stories...well, unless (as you say) I find someone willing and available!

----
'It may be that when we no longer know what to do,
We have come to our real work,
And that when we no longer know which way to go,
We have begun our real journey'
- Wendell Berry

Walk n' Block. Total NC 08-13-10

----
'It may be that when we no longer know what to do,
We have come to our real work,
And that when we no longer know which way to go,
We have begun our real journey'
- Wendell Berry