Am I addicted to bad boys?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-10-2004
Am I addicted to bad boys?
1
Thu, 03-11-2004 - 2:18pm
Well my story sounds similar to everyone else out there. I am 27 and I have been divorced for two years now. It has been the hardest thing to go through...not because of the X...just coping with the dating world and being on my own. My issue that I am having is that I was seeing a married man that is a friend but not a close friend of mine and my X. When I was married him and I would always flirt with each other but I never once thought about getting together with him. Well after my divorce I went to a Christmas party that we always attended that wast hosted by one of my best friends. Well at the party I went alone without a date. Well he hung around me all night, flirted with me, and made jokes about me just teasing and did not once talk to his wife. In which from knowing them I knew they had problems for years. They have two kids together and I know that is why they stay together. But anyway...the next week after the party he gets my number from my mother of all people (she owns her own business and he walked in a got it from her!!) Well he calls me and said he wanted to apologize for joking around with me and hoped I was not mad at him. Well we talked I told him I was not mad...we continued to talk about my divorce and he told me that he wanted a divorce so bad but did not know how because of the kids. Well our first conversation turned into to many conversations. Then we decided to meet. Mind you I have known him forever and I knew that he was a ladies man...and he said and did all the things at the lowest point in my life where I felt like I was the most unattractive women on earth because I was not in a good marriage. I was mentally and physically abused by the x. So my self esteem was at a low. Well this guy was all I had dreamed about but he was married. Well this little meeting turned into meeting after meeting and eventually turned into an everyday thing. He would come over at 5:00 am just to lay in bed with me before I had to go to work. Just swepted me away. Then these meetings turned into spend the night parties...then into love. He would tell me he loved me and say he was going to marry me. This is the one that got me..he said he had never been in love before he met me. Which could be true...but I don't think men know what love is!!! Well this romance of LOVE turned into him moving out of his house getting an apartment. Well he had his apartment to win me over and make me shutup!! Well when he got the apartment...he would still go home every night and put his kids to bed. Then after they were asleep he would come spend the night with me. This was every night during the week. But on the weekends he would go out with the wife and kids and leave me to wait till they were asleep to come over. He told me that he had divorce papers and he had given them to her. I never knew for sure. This went on for a year. Well around November of this year he started acting weird. He told me she had evidence on us and he was going to move back home and do the forgive and forget thing for a month so she could not take him for all he had. So I told him I was not going to talk to him any more if he did that. So I did not talk to him the whole month of November. Well it was not till the beginning of December that he saw me out on a date with another guy that I started talking to him again. He told me he loved me more than life itself and that he was going to marry me agian. Well I went back to him...minding you that I am single and I would stop dating whoever I was seeing to go back with him. Stupid I know...but I loved this man. Well I sarted talking to him again and we were suppose to go somewhere on New Years and he ended going out with his wife and there friends. Well I was furious so I invited some friends over to my house as well as a date. He was mad at me for having people over and I never told him I had a date. Well he thought it would be the sweetest thing to call me at midnight...well he did and I did not answer. Well that made him mad that I did not pick up the phone....so we stopped talking again for about a month and a half. Well he decided to text message me on the saddest day if my life..Valentine's Day. He wanted to say he was thinking of me. Well heck I was over him but it sparked my love for him again by him writing me that. Well I was strong and did not reply...so we went another 2 weeks without talking. Then about two weeks ago...he test messages me saying that he loves me so much he can live without me and even if I did not love him anymore he would love me forever. Well I broke into tears...I wrote him back and said why do you do this to me. He said I love you and that is why!! So he came over that next day and we talked about things he told me he had been going to divorce classes and that he was getting divorced. Well we talked for a week and then he got mad at me because I told him that my x husband came over because he was crying and having problems with his girlfriend. Well I have a huge heart and I will help anyone in need and my x and I are still good friends. We never stopped being friends. Well my OM got really jealous and did not talk to me for a whole day because of that. Well heck he lives with his wife....so he has NO room to talk!! So we stopped talking again. My issue now is I love him for some reason and I can't get him out of my mind but I have waited on him to get his life together and I can't wait anymore!! But I can't get over him....I am sure he will call me in a couple of days and be all in love with me again...and I will go right back to him. Well actually he has been bloccking his calls on my phone and hanging up on me!! I consider myself a very attractive girl and I know I could get anybody I want...without kids ....without a XW and without all the lies I would have to live through for him to see his kids. I know it is not worth it and I know I can do better...but those are my thoughts... not my actions!!!! I feel like I am dying...not knowing where my life is going and I know I am the only one that can make me happy!! But why can't I do it!! I even started dating but it seems I always choose the bad boys!!! I always get rid of the ones that like me!!! I often wonder if I am afraid of committing to someone and that is why I am so in love with this married man. Just when I feel like I can let him go he rares his ugly head again!!!! I just don't know what to do!!! I wanted to go get help to make me see what it is that is going on with me....I think the issue with the bad marriage and now this affair is rocking my world!!!

Any advice or similar situations...please contact me!! I need to know how to get away from this and I know ...I know what to do.. but doing it is the problem. Sorry this is so long!! Excuse the misspelled words too!!!


Jesse

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Fri, 03-12-2004 - 11:26pm
Wow! Boy-o-boy how I can relate to your situation. But instead of beating yourself up over things give yourself a pat on the back as you have at least been successful in being able to stand your ground for an extended period of time, unlike myself.