Am I lying to myself??

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2004
Am I lying to myself??
3
Wed, 10-27-2004 - 9:52am
Today is a down day. I know I talk to women on here everyday giving advice and telling them to be strong, I can't even do the things I advise. I want to end this relationship with the OM its the only way to continue to build with the one I am with. And even though I believe that I am in the NC stage, we still talk daily. He calls me at work, I can't control that. And all up until he calls I am fine, he is still in the back of my mind as always but I can handle that. But when I hear his voice its over. I talk to him like I never wanted to end it, he flirts sometimes I flirt back a little. And when we get off I feel like crap. I just sit back and hope that he forgot to tell me something and that he's going to call again, or think about how we will talk later. Its like I forget about the fact that I am not supposed to be talking to him. But his calls show me that he still cares. I actually sit back and try to imagine his prior thoughts to calling me, did I just pop up in his head or was he thinking about me. Does he ever think about me? See how these phones calls set me back. But I am not fully sure if I want them to stop, even though I KNOW its what I need. Its not like we see each other I haven't seen him in about 2 months and we aren't that far from each other. I am soo confused, is it ok to have these conversations?
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Wed, 10-27-2004 - 9:58am
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Only if you never want to get over this man and move on with your life...

You say you have to take his calls...do you have caller ID? Can you just let your phone go to voice mail? If you stop picking up every time he danes to contact you, he'll get the hint sooner or later.

Or, easier still...tell him not to call any more unless its only for business reasons. No flirting, no chit chat.

If its over b/w you two, you are just delaying the inevitable and making life harder for yourself.

And who cares what he's thinking before he calls? He probably figures he's got you on a string and you'll jump whenever he says how high. Its a great ego boost for him, no doubt. Do you want to be that for him? Don't you deserve better?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2004
Wed, 10-27-2004 - 10:07am
See that's the crazy thing about it. He will never know that he makes me feel this way. I mean I know that I flirt from time to time but he mainly thinks that I don't really care anymore...Other than flirting from time to time I am mainly sarcastic with my dry humor attitude, he tells me all the time about how I don't care about him anymore and Ie I don't even call him anymore, we only talk when he calls and he knows to call me at work because I can't control picking up the phone its my job, I am a receptionist. So I will just pick up and its him. I know I shouldn't care about what he's thinking but I can't help it. The A had such a abrupt decline so fast that it leaves me no choice but to search for answers some days. Not every day is like this, but the ones that are really suck.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2003
Wed, 10-27-2004 - 11:30am
I can totally relate, and YES those phone calls are a bad idea! I can say that because I've been beating myself up all week - and I think I NEED to do that to totally understand that NC means absolutely none at all! In my case, I relapsed on text messages. UGH. They seemed harmless enough. And when he sent me TMs and I didn't respond, I actually felt stronger and like, "see, I can handle this." But apparently those damned text messages stuck in the back of my head. The folks telling you that you CANNOT speak with him - regardless of whether he thinks you've moved on and could care less or not - are absolutely correct. And this isn't about what's going on inside HIS head, it's about what's going on inside of yours. Hang in there with me. Let's take NC to a new level together!!! Love, Mo.

mo 7-18-10