Am I lying to myself??
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Am I lying to myself??
| Wed, 10-27-2004 - 9:52am |
Today is a down day. I know I talk to women on here everyday giving advice and telling them to be strong, I can't even do the things I advise. I want to end this relationship with the OM its the only way to continue to build with the one I am with. And even though I believe that I am in the NC stage, we still talk daily. He calls me at work, I can't control that. And all up until he calls I am fine, he is still in the back of my mind as always but I can handle that. But when I hear his voice its over. I talk to him like I never wanted to end it, he flirts sometimes I flirt back a little. And when we get off I feel like crap. I just sit back and hope that he forgot to tell me something and that he's going to call again, or think about how we will talk later. Its like I forget about the fact that I am not supposed to be talking to him. But his calls show me that he still cares. I actually sit back and try to imagine his prior thoughts to calling me, did I just pop up in his head or was he thinking about me. Does he ever think about me? See how these phones calls set me back. But I am not fully sure if I want them to stop, even though I KNOW its what I need. Its not like we see each other I haven't seen him in about 2 months and we aren't that far from each other. I am soo confused, is it ok to have these conversations?

Only if you never want to get over this man and move on with your life...
You say you have to take his calls...do you have caller ID? Can you just let your phone go to voice mail? If you stop picking up every time he danes to contact you, he'll get the hint sooner or later.
Or, easier still...tell him not to call any more unless its only for business reasons. No flirting, no chit chat.
If its over b/w you two, you are just delaying the inevitable and making life harder for yourself.
And who cares what he's thinking before he calls? He probably figures he's got you on a string and you'll jump whenever he says how high. Its a great ego boost for him, no doubt. Do you want to be that for him? Don't you deserve better?