Am I moving forward or backward?
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Am I moving forward or backward?
| Tue, 12-07-2010 - 7:14am |
I am 8 weeks NC today. I started T four weeks ago and have been asking myself a lot of questions and trying to find the answers to my pereceived unhappiness. I have put nearly 100% of my focus on myself over the past three weeks or so. But since Sunday, I feel like I've taken a huge step backward.
I have been thinking of him. I was curled up with my H last night, warming up in bed, and I kept imagining it was

((Alwayst))
It may sometimes feel like a step backwards, but you are also going two steps forward as well. So, it may feel like you are inching along, but you are still progressing, slowly but surely. Uncovering painful realizations about ourselves is the only way to promote change within ourselves, KWIM? I would suggest to keep plodding along until after the holidays. There's no point in shaking up everyone else's world just because ours is registering on the Richter scale.
You didn't mention what your T said about telling H. What advice did he give you?
My opinion, although I am not a professional by a long shot, is to sit on telling all until some more time has passed. You are still in emotional conflict mode. Sure, by telling your H, you risk having your M end...but you may come to find that this isn't what you wanted after all. Remember, patience is not your strong suit honey, and something as major as saving or ending a M cannot be decided upon quickly. If a separation is still in the works, let that be your goal for right now. Things can change in a heartbeat, but you don't want to be the force that rocks an already damaged boat. There's always a good chance that this boat can be repaired.
Just my 2 cents...and probably what I would do for the time being..... Lay low yet keep learning about yourself.
(((Hugs))
alwayst2,
i think i can answer this one for you.
Always,
Congratulations on 8 weeks NC.
I applaud
Always, As you wrote, you have a history of placing the responsibility of controling your own behavior onto others (first, your father, and more recently your husband).
My thanks to all you wonderful, supportive cyber friends. Thank you for making me feel this is a very safe place to share my feelings. And I can't tell you all how important it is to get feed back from so many different people so that one can see things from another perspective. My emotions are still running high and vascillate all over the place.
Yes, Iddy. I'm terribly impatient and also impetuous. (But hey! I'm a helluva lot of fun at parties!!) I'm trying to keep my emotions in check. It is very helpful for me to post here. But be forwarned: I may be bouncing around a lot and going back and forth with my thoughts!!
I have no intention of telling H about the A any time in the very near future. The plan is to separate in January and begin MC. At some point, I feel I must confess so that H can make a decision as to whether he wants to work it out with me--if that is what we decide we even want to do. My T said he thought that was a great idea and fully supported it.
Clearguidance--I must say the timing of your post is impeccable. Thank you for bringing up this question. After I posted this morning, I started thinking about what do I really want. I am wondering if I want to confess so as to give control to my H because I feel I've been the controlling force in our relationship for so long, or if it's because I'm still to afraid to make a decision on my own. If I confess and tell H who my AP was, he will be utterly crushed. I did this to him 21 years ago. I may just kill him to have to go through that again. So maybe I want to tell him so that he can be the one to end the marriage because I'm too cowardly to do so?? I really don't know the answer to that yet. I want to explore that with my T later this week.
Thank you all for helping me keep it real.
Love,
~alwayst2
A~
You remind me so much of myself it is ridiculous....just a little rebellion hellion, you are...I am too!...Coming out the A ending , just like the day you were born...kicking and screaming...I see ya...I did it too!..Breathe my dear!
alwayst2
I, too, think you are moving forward.
Hi Always,
Even on MAS (cringe), i knew we were similar.
New Choices, New Chapter,
New Challenges,