And there are bad days too...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
And there are bad days too...
7
Fri, 04-18-2003 - 8:39pm
I really was doing well... actually had a pretty good week. Then yesterday, maybe this is what set it off? I was going to my DS's school to read a story to the class, and who is there? XMM!!! The LAST person I'd ever expect to see at an elementary school... he was dropping something off for someone who works there... it just really threw me - I mean, we live in a small town and I know I'll see him in the expected places - but I was NOT prepared to run into him like that...

Maybe that's why... but today was hard and he was really in my head a lot. And I had a nice day in general - H got off work early, kids were home, we took in a movie and dinner as a family... but I had so much trouble not thinking about XMM... and I didn't do a very good job of refocusing on the bad times...

I'm trying to remember that these days, these thoughts, don't come as often as they used to... but I hate that it can still just sweep the rug out from under me and get to me... affect me way too much... I want to be over him. I want to not care at all if I do or don't see him... the opposite of love is not hate, but indifference - so when will I get to indifference?

Just needed a safe place to let it out... thanks for listening...

Glinda

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Fri, 04-18-2003 - 10:28pm
i feel just like u do iam a newbie and i would tell u not to worry u will get over it and my girlfriend had an affair with an ex co wrker and she never saw him agin after that i suggest couseling for yourself u will get over the guilt just like my girlfriend has and u know what she has those days too so dont beat yourself up about it if u see him then just ingore it and dont think about it and it will go away and when u seek couseling u will feel better about it and thats what i think god luck
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 04-19-2003 - 7:45am
Thanks for your message SW... I am in therapy - started it shortly after I ended the A... and I am doing much better than I was then - I used to think about him 24/7 and I cried all the time... I am just wishing I was truly completely OVER him, but I know that takes time.

I woke up this morning and realized I had been dreaming about him, and for the first time in a few weeks, he was the first thing I thought of as I woke up... I just want to be FREE of him.

Glinda

Avatar for crystal_clr
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 04-19-2003 - 8:16am
Hi Glinda-

Its been a long, long time since OM WASN'T my first waking thought. I look forward to the day that stops.

I can see you've hit a bump in the road, but its just a little bump - you're doing really well. The extra thoughts will slow down soon and you'll be back on track. I definitely notice I have my good days and my bad days - and the good are increasing - just takes time. Maybe this is surprising you, because you've made so much progress, that it feels weird to slip back a bit? Try to take it in stride and forge ahead to your next 'good day'. Keep walking forward...

Avatar for guardedticker
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 04-19-2003 - 11:33am
Without reading any of the other responses to your question about when indifference comes??? It is when you continue to create new habits and let go of the old; it takes time and patience and most importantly, it takes focusing on your marriage and making it one you are proud to be in.

JMHO

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 04-20-2003 - 1:21pm
>> Without reading any of the other responses to your question about when indifference comes??? It is when you continue to create new habits and let go of the old; it takes time and patience and most importantly, it takes focusing on your marriage and making it one you are proud to be in. <<

Thank you GT... your answer is simple and to the point and makes a lot of sense. I hadn't even really thought of it in terms of new habits. I read once that something has to be repeated an incredibly large # of times (10,000 ? - the actual number they named escapes me) before it becomes a HABIT. So, in my case, I certainly did a good job of establishing the habit of thinking about XMM - I think I was going for the world record in amount of time spent thinking of him - you know what I mean...

Now I need to break that one and get in the habit of thinking about life in terms of my H and our marriage. New habit to work on building... I didn't do a very good job of it yesterday or even this morning before I signed on here, but I am going to keep working on it... no point putting it off and keeping that other bad habit going on...

Hugs

Glinda

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-05-2003
Mon, 04-21-2003 - 7:31am
Hi Glinda....

Sorry you had a rough day!!! Just want to send you a hug!! The indifference will come (I'm still kind of waiting to get there myself!!). Take care of yourself!!

Karry

Karry - - who is learning to embrace life on her own raising her miracle, Carley Paige

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 04-21-2003 - 1:41pm
I'm sorry! Even though my XOM is the biggest jerkwad on earth I know how these feelings can become overwhelming! It gets better but, it takes time. I equate it to giving up any addiction! One day at a time! Hang in there you've done good! Sometimes it's like that picture of the kitty hanging by it's claws from a tree branch! Remember that pic.? We will all get there! By the way, thanks for your kind reply to my post the other day!!!! It meant alot to me!