The Anger

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2010
The Anger
11
Tue, 02-23-2010 - 3:34pm

Just venting today because things have been a little tough for me at work, although I have NOT broken NC.

Anyone else feel overwhelming anger but unable to put their finger on exactly what/who they are angry about/at? I feel like if xAP were to start talking to me right now I would just flip out on him, I feel so much pent up frustration and anger...but he didn't WRONG me, per se. I don't quite understand it. Yes, I'm mad at him for certain ways he has acted, things he has said or not said, etc...but I'm not sure if it warrants all these emotions I am feeling right now.

Is it just the residual emotional toll of an A? I wish it would hurry and fade into indifference...

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2009
In reply to: silverdoe14
Tue, 02-23-2010 - 3:48pm

Silver,

Hi honey (hugs).

I know the anger. It spreads. It waxes and wanes. Sometimes I am angry at AP. Sometimes myself. Sometimes God. Sometimes everyone. Just angry at the situation I guess. My emotions have been all over the place, and that's part of this rollercoaser ride. It's also part of the reason I ended things, because the emotional exhaustion was and is tremendous.

I don't know what to say, exactly, just that I feel ya :)

Hazel.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2010
In reply to: silverdoe14
Tue, 02-23-2010 - 5:08pm

I was doing alright until xAP started trying to provoke me into a conversation/fight with him about the situation. He keeps wanting to know what he did wrong, what happened, etc. I am so close to losing it. I haven't cried in a couple of days and now, within five minutes of him talking to me (I haven't responded), I'm on the brink again and feeling upset and angry. Just goes to show you how effective NC is. But he KNOWS that it clearly upsets me when he talks to me, and I think that's why he is doing it.

Still, there is that part of me that wants to tell him what he did wrong, what happened, etc. To tell him how ANGRY I am at him. But the fact that he really doesn't seem to know must mean he's beyond help, right? GRRRRRRRRRR.....

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2009
In reply to: silverdoe14
Tue, 02-23-2010 - 5:13pm

I'm right there with you, silverdoe.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2010
In reply to: silverdoe14
Tue, 02-23-2010 - 5:15pm

He keeps wanting to know what he did wrong, what happened, etc. I am so close to losing it.


What he did wrong was that he M someone else, or you M someone else whichever one of you are M. You will be in a constant state of confusion as long as you are in contact with your XAP. The fog cannot clear until you go cold turkey NC. Once you are totally out of the A (which means NC at all), you will realize how crazy it was to even be in one in the first place. If you really want the pain to end, pull of the bandaid (AP) and let it sting for a while but I promise you that living a decent, honest life will build your self esteem better than JAM.


Remember these guys (MM) have a way of seeing our vulnerabilities and weaknesses and they prey on women who don't have resolve. They are like predators who see you coming and they come in to take away what little self-esteem you have.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2010
In reply to: silverdoe14
Tue, 02-23-2010 - 5:31pm
Why,
Unfortunately I work closely with xAP, so while we have zero personal contact (except when he attempts to talk to me), we do still have LC due to work. So unless I leave my job, which isn't an option, or he leaves, which ain't gonna happen, it's LC. Sucks for me, huh?
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2009
In reply to: silverdoe14
Tue, 02-23-2010 - 5:32pm

Hi, sd~


I'm 3 months post-a and I still feel anger wax and wane...and we definitely both contributed to the mess, so placing blame on him was misdirected.


I was mad just today because

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2010
In reply to: silverdoe14
Tue, 02-23-2010 - 5:45pm

Thank you so much couldntsayno. The reminder is absolutely constant. I try to force myself not to think about the good things, and only focus on the bad, and that just makes me hate xAP. Which I suppose is good, though it's certainly not healthy to be sitting here seething in hatred for 8 hours. We (me and you) are caught in the same cycle right now for sure...

It's almost funny (if I can manage to squeeze out a laugh) how clueless xAP is. He's got to be at least 10-15 years behind me (us, probably), emotionally speaking.

Congratulations on the great strides you have made. That kind of progress is a BIG deal, and just proof for me and all the newbies on here that there is a light at the end of the tunnel; it's right there, as soon as we claw through all this anger! :)

xoxo

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2009
In reply to: silverdoe14
Wed, 02-24-2010 - 8:15am
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2008
In reply to: silverdoe14
Wed, 02-24-2010 - 9:24am

Silver,

Yep, anger is def. a part of this healing process. I know exactly how you feel. There are times where if I saw him I would punch him right in the mouth and more recently I so badly want to email him and tell him to go straight to hell. Where is that going to get me? Ill just be holding myself back from healing and having my closure from the A.

Youre on your way...keep venting,keep NC,keep ur prioritizes,keep remembering closure and happiness is coming to you.

DM

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009
In reply to: silverdoe14
Wed, 02-24-2010 - 9:50am

Hi, Alice!
Me, again!

Of course anger is part of the cycle of grief, and is to be expected. It will go away, I promise! But, I don't want to hear you say you're angry that you cannot control those angry feelings. That is negative talk and will keep you in this stage longer than necessary. Try saying, "I CAN control these feelings." Actually doing it will be difficult, but take baby steps. Learn to positively redirect negative emotion and work the process. You CAN and you WILL defeat this.

xo
Dee

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