anger and affirmations
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|Tue, 08-12-2014 - 7:20pm|
For some reason I felt a lot of anger today. Seething, wanting to scream my lungs out anger. I am mad at myself for letting the affair happen, but I couldn't stop thinking today about the incredible hyocrisy of xap. The pragmatic part of me is trying to work through it. I know the entire nature of an affair is hypocritical, but the extent to which he held me up to a standard that he was not even close to living up to makes me want to cut body parts off of him. He got angry at me once for being in the shower (upstairs with the door locked) when my ex came to get our daughter early. But he showers in the same f-ing bathroom as his wife. Making things up about me being out with men, but doing things socially with his wife. I want to call him out on all of it so badly right now. Like a giant billboard. I know he's not worth all this emotion. Just trying to vent it all out.
I did read the post in the healing library about affirmations - which helped a LOT. #6: I forgive those who have harmed me in my past and peacfully detach from them. (after I detach body parts). #7 A river of compassion washes away my anger and replaces it with love. #4 I am superior to negative thoughts and low actions. (not so much thoughts, but I won't take action and cut his man parts off). Sorry to any men who might be reading this.....like I said, just getting it out. I'm going to print out the list and read them in the morning when I wake up.
Ahhhhhhhhh just wanting peace. I know it will come.