Anger by new contact

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-01-2010
Anger by new contact
3
Mon, 07-05-2010 - 12:25pm

Ok, so three days since NC and I could almost predict he would be in touch today. The day my H leaves for work away.


Some lame excuse about a work related issue that is no longer my problem, I no longer work at the company - in fact I left the place because the A was uncovered and life was made so uncomfortable for me.


Really it was an 'I miss you' in disguise. Although I know you may disagree that I replied with 'I no longer work at the company' - I felt it reinforced my desire to no longer be contacted by the lack of personal comments in the text.


And although I am at that horrible stage of wanting to know I'm missed - I'm realising, really, he more than me wants confirmation that I love him and miss him.


I do miss him, a bit but three days and I'm discovering, well he's weak. I am coming to terms about why I had the A - excitement, drama - something that's always been in my life and went missing the day I met a wonderful man who is know my H and makes my life so safe.


Oh god I wish the anger for him would be replaced with sympathy or even total disregard and lack of concern.


Mondays -- always our day for meeting up. And i think I'll replace that tonight with a visit to the gym and perfecting my resume to find a job because I lost the last one because of my silly, futile relationship with XAP.


Why is the OW in the A always the worst in the world? Always comes out worse?


Frustrated Piku.


X

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
Mon, 07-05-2010 - 1:18pm

Pikulou,


<relationship with XAP.>>>


Sounds like a plan, and a good one at that. Replacing old, addictive habits with new, productive ones cannot fail, my friend. You need to start taking care of YOU and doing things that will be beneficial instead of harmful to your self worth and esteem.


Yes, it would have been best that you hadn't replied to his fishing attempt, and in the future please come here first and tell us what you may do, so we can talk you out of it. ;-)

   ~Iddy~ 


iVillage Member
Registered: 07-01-2010
Mon, 07-05-2010 - 1:30pm

Hi Cl-iddy


Thanks for the response. You're right, I should've just blanked it. And I'll block the number. I'll do that now.


I'm annoyed my Nc counter has gone back to #1 :( but I deserve it, and you're right. Foolish of me to respond.


I've just read through the DD in the healing room and I'm very fortunate that this has not happened to me, but I am so scared now after reading that it can, regardless of NC. Although my bosses found out, presented me with emails and gave me a warning, they called Xap into the room and told him he had their support???? This eats at me. But confirms his weakness. Why would anyone work for a company who treated the socalled 'love of their life' like that?


Leaving work was extremely difficult to explain to H - who is now supporting me. Work has with-held payments because really, am I going to confront them, take them to court and let my dishonesty be aired in public? NO...


Oh this is a mess.


I've never felt so much support since coming across this site. It's better than a counsellor. It's real people who are going through the same thing, and even better, people who have come out of it and can advise.


Thanks again.


NC 1


PikuLou

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2010
Tue, 07-06-2010 - 9:14am

This eats at me. But confirms his weakness. Why would anyone work for a company who treated the socalled 'love of their life' like that?


Because, you will see the further you get beyond the A and the fog clears that an A and what you tell each other is all smoke and mirrors. It's all the same story really. The same lines. Why is it that we always meet our "soul mates" and have to sneak and hide to see them. We hid ourselves from our XM's real life and stayed in our small corner of his world helping him to escape the reality of bills, his children, his complaining W, his real life. Our soul purpose was to make each other feel good. It was an escape. It wasn't a real relationship where life is thrown in. That's why it felt sooo good to us while we were cheating. If you were the love of his life he would have never hid you from the important things in his life. The love of ppl's lives are brought out of the darkness into the light for everyone to see.


It's all a farse and unfortunately you paid a hefty price for escaping from your RL with your real H. I know how that feels. Many yrs ago when my A ended with a MM, ppl at work found out and I was the wh*re who tried to break up the family. The OW always gets the raw end of the deal in an A when it is exposed. I think it's because the world has higher expectations from women than men. The old "boys will be boys" maybe.


Block and walk. Don't take his contact with you as that he cares so much. He is really selfish to call you after not standing by you and he thinks that he can wiggle his way back into your life and keep you as his dirty little secret. It's really an insult if you look at it. How dare he call after not standing beside you when the stuff hit the fan. Does he really think that you think so low of yourself that you would even give him the time of the day -- yep, he does; because unfortunately you have shown him that you are willing to hide out and believe all his lies in your secret place. Show him that you care more about yourself and your family by blocking him from your life and walking.