Angry, Annoyed....Revenge??!!!??

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2010
Angry, Annoyed....Revenge??!!!??
3
Tue, 07-06-2010 - 12:35pm

Hello -


It has been a while since I've posted and am now at a totally different place in my "situation"; I am struggling with anger, guilt, hate (all towards XAP) and total regret.


Almost 2 year affair, I work with him, it has been almost 4 weeks NC since my telling him: to NEVER look at me again, that I feel sorry for the next woman he seeks out to toy with, that I deserved much

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-06-2007
Tue, 07-06-2010 - 1:22pm
4sure, sorry you are dealing with this. I think we all experience every emotion you mentioned. 2 years and I still have some anger issues to deal with. You are mad and you've stirred yourself up into a real tizzy. From my own experience, I can tell you if you don't find a way to get a grip, then you might find yourself doing something you wished you hadn't. Anger can be a very powerful tool, but used in the wrong way can spell disaster. I know it is often said here on EAS that the anger is really us being mad at ourselves, only we direct towards the xAP. Since you have to see him at work, redirecting your anger is only going to be a tougher job. But I think you are going to have to do that before you explode girl !
Try to look at yourself - why you did this, why this xAP, what allowed you to get involved. Start asking yourself all those questions. Make up your mind to ignore him, mentally and at work. Give that bozo no more of your brain space. He warned you he was a bad boy - and you dived right in. Start there, ask why. I know when you start this process you will be remembering all the garbage and crap and it's going to make you mad once again. Try your best to keep your thoughts about you. When we start wallowing in the muck and getting upset about all the whys and how comes, that can lead us backwards. Giving in to the anger is ok, but only if it gets YOU somewhere, know what I mean. Use the anger in you to keep you focused on you and what you ultimately want. I held on to anger for so long it impacted every facet of my life. That I regret! What a waste of precious time and energy. Letting the anger and that Grrrr feeling get the best of you will keep you churning and full of angst. Preach to yourself that you have to move on and ahead of the mind garbage that is taking up too much of your time. Kick that guy out! Be better than him. The best revenge is a life well lived - said on EAS often.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
Tue, 07-06-2010 - 1:41pm

First of all, congrats on the 4 weeks of LC. I work with my XMM too (he's my boss) and although the A has been over for 6 years, there are still residual anger episodes that can't be controlled no matter how hard I try. Just last week before our 4 day holiday I swear the moon, stars and planets must have been seriously

   ~Iddy~ 


iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2008
Mon, 07-12-2010 - 4:53am
Hi Crazy. You have your freedom, that is the best revenge. ExAP isn't worth the time or thoughts in your mind. Yes you DO deserve much better than crumbs;). Stuff like this made me so very glad my exAP was across the state. Never had to see him.