Angry Anyone?? He's too OK!!!!!!
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| Tue, 12-07-2004 - 9:01pm |
I feel like since I started my NC, I've been entirely too rational. OK - I know that statement makes no sense. Bear w/ me though. I had all the right reasons for ending it. I didn't care what he thought, I just needed to do it for my own personal sanity.
And now all of a sudden, I'm raging MAD!
I had my final work contact w/ him today - which probably triggered it. I think it sank in that I'll never see him again.
He just seemed so FINE... it made me want to freak out on him!
I know this is normal. I just need to hear it again.
Is it OK just just be raging, fuming, angry with him?
Is there anything I can do about it?
I know I can't write and yell at him, but has anyone here done that? And has it ever helped???
I'm just losing my mind today!
Thanks!
-C

Carolina
You perfectly normal, your going to go through a some steps during this whole thing you pretty much just have to let them happen don't try to short circuit it it's a natural prossess that has to to happen.
Do yourself a big favor and don't let him see that anything is bugging you if you do your only going to regret it later.
Just keep the NO CONTACT and you will progress and you will heal.
Free
i know anger..i feel the same way right now. XOM sent a text to me before...He sounded so "fine"...called me "hon"...it was a polite non emotional hello of sorts. I did not respond nor do I intend do.
Anger is one of the stages of mourning. Atleast that is what I've been told. Try and use that anger to your advantage. Im using mine so I wont be suckered in and contact him.
Jazzdiva
Hiya CG,
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What you are feeling is completely NORMAL! This link may help explain the various stages of grief a bit clearer than I'd be able to put it. http://www.couplescompany.com/Features/Grief/Denial.htm
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YES, it is ok to be raging, fuming, spitting angry with him. If memory serves, the above link actually says you can "celebrate" hitting the Anger stage!
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Is the house empty? If so, then provided you have pillows, they don't mind a good whacking and screaming at - Admittedly it *does* feel pretty silly at first, I soon found my stride as I replayed a few particularly arsey events through my mind's eye. My pillows have have since forgiven me but tend to flinch these days whenever I go to change the pillow cases... Exercise is always good in that it expends energy, releases feel-good endorphins, and pushing myself to run a little further or swim a little longer helped me feel like I was a winner again... Writing letters/notes/emails that tell him exactly how you feel even though you *never* send them is also therapeutic for some. I deleted my "You are a tragic waste of human skin" emails some time ago, but they were helpful in reminding me in moments of weakness exactly why it was I wanted to distance myself from The Git in the first place.
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Yup. Many, many times over the course of nearly 4yrs. Each time I sent them or yelled at him, he'd defend himself, I'd reply, then he had the opportunity to respond & say something nice, we'd kiss & make up and back to square one again. It took me a looooong time to work out that you don't actually need anyone elses' permission to give yourself closure. Draw a line in the dirt, say to yourself that this is doner than a done thing served well-done with lashings of done on the side, and start moving *forward* rather than *back*. If your feet are moving forward, your head will soon catch up. Honest.
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Not in my case, no (see above paragraph). It did, however, harm me and others a great deal. Others may well have a different experience. Sometimes, CG, there is just nothing left to be said.
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No you're not, you're finding it... And finding it is altogether a much harder thing to do, but on that path is an enormous amount of strength & peace.
Wishing you strength & peace,
Posie
Thanks, Free -
I seriously feel like I'm losing my mind sometimes. It's so hard to feel strong when I've never felt this weak or needy in my life. I think even if this was a normal R - I would hate this.
<>
I wish I'd done that. Not only did he see it - the jerk tried to get me to talk to him about it. I made it perfectly clear that I didn't want to talk to him anymore, and he tried to pull the "friend" card on me. He's not my friend - nor will he ever be. He's just a big mistake that I wish I could forget about.
Good news is, NC will be much easier now. I don't even need to remind myself that I did this for ME - The anger is enough.
Thanks so much.
I felt so terrible last night. I didn't think I was going to make it w/out breaking windows or something.
You guys are the best!
Undone, you're so right. It's just so much harder than I expected. I don't think the NC part will be too difficult in this stage. I'm so mad, I feel like ripping him to shreds w/ my fingernails. I'm just scared that another stage will sneak up on me when I'm not expecting it, and put me on my a$$.
I just need to forget he saw me upset, so I can regain my strength and pride - I don't like that he knows he got the best of me. I know that sounds stupid - because I honestly know he cares about me, and doesn't want me to be upset. But he's a really strong person, and I can't help but want him to think highly of me - even if it's only as a memory. I'm just mad that I got weak.
I hate this.
You're spending alot of energy worrying about what he thinks. Who cares what he thinks? Just worry about you and how YOU feel. It is quite understandable that you are hurt and upset and if he doesn't think that you are then he is an insensitive clod.
I'm not having a good morning. I'm angry but the anger is not enough to help me get over this overwhelming sense of despair that I feel. Part of me wants to call him and say "look, i'm feeling despair...don't ever text me again. I don't want to be your friend. I don't want anything from you. etc etc". Would that make me feel better? Maybe for five minutes. One of the last thing he said to me when I saw him last was 'you know that i love you". No, actually I don't.
I have children to take care of and responsibilities. I need to get my act together. I dn't have the luxury of being depressed and hanging around the house all day in pajamas crying over a man. He's fine. He's at work moving and shaking, closing his deals and wearing his "power tie". Too bad he lives in his sister's basement and is facing jail time if he doesn't pay up his child support.
to make matters worse it is holiday time so I'm supposed to be all happy and cheerful over that...doing all the things that are expected from suburban housewives this time of year.
Someone please shoot me in the head.
Jazzdiva
Posie
Thanks for the response - and thanks for the link to the article.
I think I just really needed to hear this was normal - I was mourning my recent lack of strenth. And it made me so angry.
I woke up this morning just cried out and exhausted, and it just made me more mad. When I started reading all your responses, it made me feel much more in control again.
You guys have no idea how much you've helped me.
Thanks!
-C
CG,
- I've come to realize who the most important person in all of this is - and it's myself. And that realization has given me the strength to say "goodbye" and really mean it.-
These were your words several days ago. Make them your mantra for getting past the rough spots. No one knows more than me how difficult it is control emotions when you are face to face (I still see him everyday), but hopefully yesterday put an end to that for you, and now you can begin to REALLY heal. Getting angry is all part of it. After 6 months I still have my moments but they are far and few between, unsually triggered by some issue I am still working on.
Remember that you are a work in progress. Almost daily you will stumble upon realizations about yourself. Some will seem unbearable and others will be genuine "Ah ha" moments that will enlighten and advance your healing process.
It's all part of a journey we chose to embark upon, with our eyes closed. Had we entered them with 20/20 vision we would have never crossed that line in the first place. Seeing, feeling, and wanting someone unavailable to us, IMO, is the cruelest trick our hearts could have ever played :(
Again, YOU are the most important person in all of this, so take good care of yourself,
~True~
<>
You're right. And you use the best words, by the way. He is a clod.
I think it's the first time I've cared what he thought of me. Because it's the first time I've appeared really weak. Which is probably where most of the anger stemmed from. I was mad that he got the best of me - and more mad that I let him.
I think I'm just tired. I'm tired of beating myself up over this. I'd just rather direct the anger at him for a change.
I know how bad you're hurting. Actually, I truly don't know - I can only imagine it's probably 10x as bad I as feel. I don't even know what to tell you to do. I've listened to you, and I know you know what you should do. You have an amazing understanding of the situation. I think your heart just needs convincing - or maybe it just needs to be full of other things so there's no room for him anymore. I know your head is in the right place, and your heart will catch up when it just can't take it anymore. I hope that's soon.
Hang in there, sweetie.
Thanks for being there for me - harsh or not, I welcome any advice from you.
-C
<<- I've come to realize who the most important person in all of this is - and it's myself. And that realization has given me the strength to say "goodbye" and really mean it.-
These were your words several days ago. Make them your mantra for getting past the rough spots.>>
Wow - I needed that badly. Thanks, True.
I wish I could print out what I wrote that day and carry it around with me. I miss that strength. I'm feeling a lot better about it today though - especially after hearing from you guys.
You're right - seeing them face to face is tough as hell.
I can't believe you have to see yours EVERY DAY - that must be the worst thing ever.
Thanks so much.