ANGRY, finally.
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| Mon, 11-23-2009 - 1:20pm |
Oh, my gosh! *Finally* I got really, really angry this morning at my xAP. It's like I had that ah-ha moment where I finally allowed myself to get 100% fed-up and sick of myself over this A and just want to puke on my shoes that I am wasting an ounce of energy on this dude. One little push started the ball rolling and pretty soon I was writing him an email (never to be sent) ranting about what a fool I was. It's like I had to finally admit to myself (ouch) that I really, truly was an IDIOT for all of the lies I told myself and all of the compromises I made so that I could justify the A with this jackass.
Ok, so I did allow myself to fall hook, line and sinker for his bs. I did tell tell myself I loved him. The kicker is that I believe that at the time because I willed myself to believe it. 20/20 hindsight says, "omg, that guy was not worthy of your love! what the heck were you thinking?? you can polish a turd, but it's still at turd at the end of the day!"
I had been pining, pining, pining these last few weeks. EW. I'm grossed out. Now I am pissed. I'm glad for it. I'm not even pissed so much at him, more at myself. I'm looking forward to harnessing all this pissed-offiness and doing something good with it. I think I'm going to get to 'acceptance' and 'apathy' towards him a lot faster now, and Whew! that is something I could really enjoy.
Gee, I wish I could post my email to him here. I gather that is not kosher, right?
Thanks oldtimers for continuing to educate about the fog. It takes some time before we newbies get it through our thick heads!

You GO, girl!!!
Can't wait to be there.
GOOD FOR YOU!!
***Thanks oldtimers for continuing to educate about the fog. It takes some time before we newbies get it through our thick heads! ***
I second that!!
Thats great, I bet it feels good to let some of that go.
"Once you say you're going to settle for second, that's what happens to you in life."