Anniversary

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2010
Anniversary
3
Wed, 06-02-2010 - 5:22pm

Hello Friends,

Well, today would have been our four year anniversary. I always wanted to treat it as a special day. We always spent a whole night together on our anniversary. But looking back, it was always me who was making the big deal of it, I really don't think that he really cared. That is still hard for me to accept! UGH!

I'm back from vacation and would love to tell you that I didn't think of xAP, but alas, I did. But, I wasn't sad, just reflected some on how different things are now than they were last summer when I was living a double life.

Tomorrow marks my 7 weeks NC. I'm not really in pain, but I still feel the weight of the fog. I wonder if my life will ever get back to normal? Honestly, I guess I don't remember life being normal before AP came along, so wondering about all that is a waste of time.

I'm hanging in there, girls. Thanks for letting me know that I'm not alone in all of this. Sometimes I still feel like I should be over it all still. Like, if it was nothing to xAP, then it should be nothing to me too. If he can move on with his life like it never happened, I should be able to do the same.

Time for a glass of wine. I really don't want to think about this anymore today.

-Angel

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2010
In reply to: xfallenangelx
Thu, 06-03-2010 - 8:40am

Angel, I hope you enjoyed your glass of wine!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2010
In reply to: xfallenangelx
Thu, 06-03-2010 - 9:52am
I think you need to tell yourself that it doesn't matter what you meant to your xap. You were his secret from the world. You kept yourself hidden and built his ego when he needed it stroked. You weren't apart of his RL. He was going home to another woman and his real family. Don't measure who you are by a man who from the very beginning made you his option and not his first choice. If you do that you will always fell bad about yourself. Find peace within yourself by loving yourself enough to not allow another man to come into your life/bed without him first showing you that you are number ONE in his life. Not a dirty little secret he hides out with, but the woman he walks hand in hand with and shows the world that you are his prize. Your life is not defined by him because he has a whole world that you are not a part of.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-06-2007
In reply to: xfallenangelx
Thu, 06-03-2010 - 1:26pm

Very wise words wawhy. Very wise indeed.

angel - hugs to you.