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| Mon, 06-14-2004 - 1:00pm |
there was a lot of emotion floating around this time last year for us. It's impossible for me not to remember these things. I do wonder if he recalls the same--but i know i cannot get inside his head and will never know the answers to these things.
I do know that this man will always, always care for me, and i suspect all the other xMMs we write about on this board feel the same way about all of you. These were men that put their lives, their families, their everything on the line because we gave something to them that they needed. That is not something that can be easily dismissed.
So, as we move on in the process, remember, each of you, that you all counted for something--you were loved and needed, you didn't just slip away or fall off the face of the earth. The moments we all shared with our xMM were important moments that we, nor them, can forget.
But we all must move on; cherish those beautiful memories, cherish the connections we had and be thankful for whatever lessons we learned from these relationships. to think any other way, in my view, is to discount the power of who you are.
Clarice

Like you, my xMM cares a lot about me too and he said he would never forget me. Sometimes it's really hard to remember that he cares about me and once loved me. I'm still in contact with him (though it's long distance now) and it's really hard to see this man be so different towards me now after how much he loved me this time last year.
Thank you for your post, I'm going to save it for days like today when I'm feeling down.
:-)
These are very bad memories for me for so many reasons. Those days became a crutch I held on to for a long time. Because I'm a bona fide addict, I understand that I spent much of the remainder of the A "chasing" that feeling. Long after I got clean and sober, long after it was exciting and romantic, I kept seeing XMM trying to get that feeling back that comes in the beginning of the A.
Gosh, Clarice, the poet in me could go on about this all night. Its this wierd melancholy feeling, of something that's left and will never come back, but has seered an impression in your soul. I hope I can find a comfortable place to put all these emotions someday, and remember them with some enchantment, but some reality. Since I became involved in this A, I've hoped and prayed I didn't wind up like Francesca in The Bridges of Madison County. If you didn't see the movie or read the book, I'll tell you that she deeply regretted her decision not to leave town with her OM. She spent the rest of her life journalling about him and collecting every tiny little momento of their A for storage in her garage. She refused to part with the darned kitchen table they did it on for the first time!!!!
Anyway, honey, its such a difficult feeling to articulate, but I think I understand how you're feeling. It too shall pass... Love, Mo.