Anniversary Dates

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-25-2003
Anniversary Dates
2
Mon, 06-14-2004 - 1:00pm
the last few days and the ones upcoming were important dates last year for me and Xmm. This was the time we first had physical contact. this was the time last year, that his wife and children went away to europe (and he joined them 2 weeks later, which effectively ended our A).

there was a lot of emotion floating around this time last year for us. It's impossible for me not to remember these things. I do wonder if he recalls the same--but i know i cannot get inside his head and will never know the answers to these things.

I do know that this man will always, always care for me, and i suspect all the other xMMs we write about on this board feel the same way about all of you. These were men that put their lives, their families, their everything on the line because we gave something to them that they needed. That is not something that can be easily dismissed.

So, as we move on in the process, remember, each of you, that you all counted for something--you were loved and needed, you didn't just slip away or fall off the face of the earth. The moments we all shared with our xMM were important moments that we, nor them, can forget.

But we all must move on; cherish those beautiful memories, cherish the connections we had and be thankful for whatever lessons we learned from these relationships. to think any other way, in my view, is to discount the power of who you are.

Clarice

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2004
Mon, 06-14-2004 - 6:50pm
I can totally relate to this post. The next few months mark the one year anniversary for lots of things between me and my xMM too. Just thinking about it makes me so sad. I was incredibly happy last year at this time and I'm just going to try and stay active so I don't think about things.

Like you, my xMM cares a lot about me too and he said he would never forget me. Sometimes it's really hard to remember that he cares about me and once loved me. I'm still in contact with him (though it's long distance now) and it's really hard to see this man be so different towards me now after how much he loved me this time last year.

Thank you for your post, I'm going to save it for days like today when I'm feeling down.

:-)

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2003
Mon, 06-14-2004 - 8:54pm
Hey there, Clarice! I posted about this a few months ago when the weather turned warm - I was freaking out! I started seeing XMM in the spring, and it was unseasonably warm that year, so our early summer this year made me think about those first few exciting months of the A. That, together with the "alcohol" trigger XMM brings out in me (we were drinkin' buds) had me in a real tailspin for a few weeks. I couldn't get my mind off he and I sitting somewhere (we drank in so many places it would be impossible to pick just one!!) sipping pinot grigio. We usually started drinking in the afternoon, in an outdoor place, and we would get pretty tipsy (smashed is probably more accurate) and flirt and dance and romance each other all night. UGH!

These are very bad memories for me for so many reasons. Those days became a crutch I held on to for a long time. Because I'm a bona fide addict, I understand that I spent much of the remainder of the A "chasing" that feeling. Long after I got clean and sober, long after it was exciting and romantic, I kept seeing XMM trying to get that feeling back that comes in the beginning of the A.

Gosh, Clarice, the poet in me could go on about this all night. Its this wierd melancholy feeling, of something that's left and will never come back, but has seered an impression in your soul. I hope I can find a comfortable place to put all these emotions someday, and remember them with some enchantment, but some reality. Since I became involved in this A, I've hoped and prayed I didn't wind up like Francesca in The Bridges of Madison County. If you didn't see the movie or read the book, I'll tell you that she deeply regretted her decision not to leave town with her OM. She spent the rest of her life journalling about him and collecting every tiny little momento of their A for storage in her garage. She refused to part with the darned kitchen table they did it on for the first time!!!!

Anyway, honey, its such a difficult feeling to articulate, but I think I understand how you're feeling. It too shall pass... Love, Mo.

mo 7-18-10