Another fishing attempt...
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|Wed, 04-18-2012 - 7:21pm|
He emailed me again today. But it was a very passive attempt at fishing if it even qualifies - he forwarded me an email newsletter he received that is very relevant to a health condition I have, and just wrote "I guess this one is for you..."
Obviously, I never responded to the first email (it's been over 48 hours now - yay me!), and won't respond to this one either. I realized: the only reason I would email him back is to make him feel better/be "polite." Well, this is exactly how our "relationship" was - me making him feel better, and me often feeling in turmoil/anxious/confused/disappointed. I wasted time on him for a few moments of fun and feeling sexy here and there? PUHleaze. Anyway, I am still not perfectly over him, and so I did what someone suggested and wrote out all the possible scenarios of if I respond/if I do not. The choice is SO clear - do NOT respond... and the funniest thing was, I also wrote a few response emails, and that was hard to do because every reply I came up with seemed stupid and pointless.
In case you are interested, and since most of our As are pretty similar in terms of why we were in them and how they made a mess of our lives, I am pasting my list of possible outcomes (with some of my commentary) and the dummy email replies below.
Possible reactions and outcomes
- I do respond...I doesn’t respond after my reply; I feel confused/dumb.
- He responds in a similar, impersonal way. Nothing gained nor lost. Pointless communication.
- I seem kind to him. I give him what he wants. Again. Same old story!
- He sends a response I don’t like and I become anxious, angry, sad, lonely, regretful, jealous or annoyed.
- He sends me everything I want to hear. Relationship resumes or even improves. Still a total dead end and potential risk to our “real” lives.
- He tells me he misses me, loves me, blah blah... still never going to go anywhere except take away from my M.
- These “everything I want to hear” scenarios are HIGHLY unlikely to even come close to happening.
- We exchange nice, small-talk emails until I/we get bored.
- It starts casual then builds up to where we left off before the EOA. I become a mess again.
- It starts up another A and it’s fun and we are careful and it’s fine as is - no expectations, no feelings getting too intense, no consequences. How likely is THIS to happen? HA.
- We maintain a professional relationship and I have a business contact/freelancing opportunities. (do I need this from him though?? No. The reference would be nice but I have better ones.)
- He tells me about how he has been, and good or bad I will probably feel icky about it because I have no part in his daily life anymore.
- He suggests getting together and it makes me a nervous wreck, trying to decide what to do.
- He emails back while I am on vacation - unwelcome, harmful distraction.
- He boosts a weak part of my ego, creating the illusion of caring that I got addicted to in the first place and almost ruined my life.
- He tells me everything I wanted to hear and I feel great about myself because he misses me so terribly and loves me, but I realize I don’t feel the same and tell him so and to discontinue contact. I feel all end-of-Waiting-to-Exhale-ish. Heck yeah...