another newbie who could use a little support
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|Mon, 01-14-2013 - 10:18am|
My story is a little different, but similar to all of yours. I was involved in an emotional affair. We met on a cruise last year(9/2011). I was with my mom, aunt and cousin and he was traveling with his parents,son and brother and sister in law. We met at lunch in France. He sat across from me and I didn't pay much attention to him except for small talk. My cousin was single and they originally chatted and I did my thing. About 2 evenings later we were all in the ballroom listening to a Beetles group. He danced with my cousin and talked with our group. He asked me to dance and I said OK. I didn't think much of it. I was WRONG! We chatted about my family I made a comment about having a 4 year old and turning 50, just chat, then while we danced, he said, "come here" and pulled me close to him. What happened next I never expected. Wow! It was if sparks went off. After that, I could feel something between us. I still kept my distance when we ran into him. Ironically, my mom thought he was nice and would invite him to get a bite to eat thinking he would be a nice guy for my cousin. Slowly he began showing more attention towards me. I never went anywhere alone with him. Gradually, he became my dance partner each evening. We shared special conversation there and he would hold me closely. He sent flowers to my cabin. Which tipped my mother off. I always mentioned my husband and my family and tried to stay emotionally distant. The day before I left the ship, he told me in the hallway, that he loved me. I was floored and didn't know what to say! I could not deny the attraction between us, but love? I'm still not so sure and he jumped the gun. That night he went to the show with my mom and me. He twice tickled my arm when love was mentioned in a song. That evening, we said our goodbyes. I was always afraid of someone seeing me with him, so I stayed "proper" around him. He tried to kiss me, but I turned my cheek an covered my lips. I kept thinking that I must protect my marriage. Thankfully, I left the next day(if I was there much longer, things would have progressed) and was hoping that would be the end of it. It was, until he returned home in about a week and a half. I got a bulk email that he sent talking about his trip. I stupidly responded. Then the online communication started. We talked everyday, many times a day. Eventually, we moved to IM along with emails. I became more dependent on him and as time went on, I was hooked - big time. The sneaking for late night talks, spending all day online waiting to hear from him., occassionally calling him. My body was here, but my mind was with him.
Well, in July, he asked me what I thought about trying online dating. My cousin who was on the cruise had used online dating for some time with limited success. She did eventually meet her husband. I told him that he would have to weed through people, but it wouldn't hurt. So started dating around September. He shared some of his experienceds with me. He would get excited when he met someone nice, then after a date or 2 it didn't work out. I on the other hand, tried to be supportive, but was crushed each time. He talked about how he would compare everyone to me and talk about the cruise(no wonder he didn't make it past the second date). In November, he went on another date. They had dinner on a Friday. He said they had a nice time and would get together on Sunday. Sunday night he IMed me talking about how she was nice but not his "type". I think physically he was looking for a certain type and she wasn't it, although she seemed to fit in other ways. I told him to give it a little time and see what happens. Well, he listened. In less than 2 weeks he was spending the night at her place. I don't fault him, but I wasn't prepared. I thought it would fall apart like the others. Then they went away before Christmas for a few days. I would hear from everyday, but I could sense things changing. I was relieved and hurt. Then, I didn't hear from him for 11 days. No Merry Christmas, nothing. On Dec. 26, I sent him an email telling him that I was hurt that he would just ignore me. That he talked big about respecting women and treated me like I never existed. I told him that if he wasn't man enough to end it then I would. Just prior to his trip with her, he had been pressing for me to send him intimate pictures of me. I stupidly did thinking I would somehow keep him emotionally attached to me. A day or 2 later, I got a note back telling me that he would act like I never sent that letter, forgive me and move on. I felt bad and sent a note back explaining that I was hurt that after over a year of sharing my life with him, that he would just stop talking to me. So, there I was back again. Now, the emails are less often. The last one was 5 days ago. I responded to his note, then I haven't heard from him. I won't initiate contact, but until now have responded if he emailed me.
I have decided after reading all of your posts, that I should muster up my strength and not respond. I don't like the way I have become these past few months, especially. I have felt insecure and clingy. Silly to be like this about a man I won't ever see again, I never kissed or made love to. I did have all of the feelings like all of you during our time together. He always called me beautiful, gorgeous, stunning! Wow! It made me feel great, alive, like a teenager. I actually felt a longing to be with him, like he was pulling me. That was the rush and I kept hanging onto it.
I never thought in a million years that this would happen to me. I would rate my marriage as being very good. I am happy, but I guess something is/was missing for this to happen. My husband loves me. He is a workaholic and uses that to get his way about other things sometimes and has always not wanted to help me much with raising the kids because he wanted to use his time off to relax and do what he enjoyed, etc. I just dealt with life and did the best I could. I think in doing that for so long, I lost ME along the way.
It is interesting how your life can be good, but someone is able to find one tiny, little crack and work their way in. Now, I miss him and am trying to remember that this is what I had prayed for. I wanted him to find happiness and I prayed that when the time came, that I would be able to let him go. That has been the hardest part. I want to let go and I want my life back. I never liked being dishonest to my husband or feeling like I was hiding something around everyone else. My dirty little secret.
Sorry to bore you all. I needed to share all this with someone. It's not anything that I can tell anyone else.