Another "no more"
Find a Conversation
| Thu, 02-24-2011 - 2:18pm |
Hello to you all and hoping today is a brighter day than yesterday. It's been a while since I've posted but I have been reading.I often go to our many "no more" lists of what we won't miss now that we have ended a heartwrenching A.
I wanted to share a thought I had this morning. It stems back to 2009 when I was engaged in an A with MM which I eventually ended myself. I also had come to terms with my own marriage and I ended that too.
At first, the A was to relieve the loneliness I had experienced in my marriage. I thought he was so wonderful for pulling me out of the depths of such darkness. Then the A became even LONELIER than the marriage. He would never really be there for me. It was all in my head. He would only be that person I wanted him to be when it was convenient for HIM.
The thought I had this morning was about the time I had taken my daughter to a nearby big city for a show and stay at fancy hotel because she was graduating. Instead of really enjoying HER and our time together, I was caught up in the bs stupid foggy crap of a dead-end A. I missed him (he was on vacation with his family). And I hurt so much that my chest physically hurt. Do you know what I wouldn't give to get that time back and do it again only really focus on HER?
Well, that time has come and gone. I am pretty healed from a failed marriage and there is someone special in my life now. I never miss the AP from 2009. Not ONE BIT. And although I have some very normal lonely moments from time to time it's

No more ignoring the most importbabt people in my life for someone who never really cared for me at all.
BUT - I relate to this topic so much. Sometimes the tears just flow doing the simplest of things with my kids: making a smoothy, making their lunches, sitting at the dinner table, showing up at a basketball game - EVERY GAME. I become overwhelmed with such joy that I can feel every moment. We lost time, but I won't lose any more. AND I AM SO HAPPY TO FEEL AGAIN.
TU.