Another week goes by ...
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Another week goes by ...
| Sun, 02-20-2005 - 12:36pm |
and it's just not getting any better. i am officially sadder without my (x)MM than i was with him. we haven't seen each other for 5 weeks now, but we still talk everyday. i can't bring myself to do the NC thing. i think that would kill me. he doesn't push to see me which is good because if he did i'd totally cave in.
has anyone been able to end her A without NC? i am hoping so. i don't want to be the OW anymore, but i don't want him completely gone from my life either. am i hoping for too much?
debbi

hi debbie,
u said u dont want to be OW anymore, but still deep in your heart u still want to see him, have intimate contact with him, its the attention that we missed i think
been only 2 weeks for me today, its hard coz i see her at work, but we have to be resolved in our determination
u know how it will be if we come back to MM/OW , only pain can result from it, we know they cannot be with us but still we continue, why ?? i dont know right now, what comes to mind is attention, the sex, the feeling of "in-love", the thrill of it, i dont realuy know, for me i feel lonely, i missed the companionship, im single and dont have family and not a lot of friends so OW used to be my best friend but now i have not, that is what i miss, of course the sex too, for some reason its the best so far
anyways, have u tried not calling him, try and see and maybe u feel better and get used to it, i know it not easy but it gets better, maybe try to think of why he treats u like that and why he cannot be with u, get upset, me im upset and pissed off at OW now
take care,
max
I have ended my A and I am a lot better then I was and have maintained limited N. In the very beginning we went 2 weeks without talking (this was from talking everyday). Then we spoke. About a week later we emailed a few emails. Then about 5 days later another email. Then we spoke about a week after. We have never spoke about us or our A. The conversations are short but they have allowed me gradually ease MM out of my life instead of cold turkey. I started being able to feel better b/c I knew we'd talk again in aa few days and I was determined to be happy with my life. I still do miss him but not the A. I dont have the need to talk to him everyday. I am not concerned about what he is thinking. So yes in my case it was done but I think it has to be about expectations. I dont want the A anymore so even though MM and I are in contact I am not trying to get him back. I am trying to do what is best for me so I successfully end it. ANd for me that was what I needed to do.
I will also say I had a sudden loss in my immediate family which put MM on the way, way back burner. The pain from that has overtaken me and i dont have enough in me to be sad about him as well.
I wish you all the best..but after 5 weeks if the pain isnt getting better I strongly suggest NC..at least for a while. After 5 weeks I finally had peace with the ending of my. It is much better way to live.
Deb
You have not ended your affair you have only changed it's nature, you have found a new and better way to HURT YOURSELF.
TOTAL NO CONTACT is the only way that is proven to work for 99.999 percent of women, there are a very few exceptions but they are very very rare and I don't think your going to be one of them.
If you want to start to heal then TOTAL NO CONTACT is the way to go, that or keep on suffering you get to decide.
JMHO
Free
Free
I think I am that small percentile you mention. But I agree for most you need NC. Especially if you have tried it for soem time (5 weeks) and it isnt getting better. I happen to be in contact with almsot everyone I have ever met.
Try NC and free youself of the hold Debbi!