To answer email or not?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-25-2003
To answer email or not?
4
Tue, 03-16-2004 - 10:33am
My XMM has a habit of sending me meaningless emails when he knows i am slipping away from him. Yesterday, he sent me a game via email for me and my kids to play.

I never know if i should respond to these or not. Sometimes it feels better to just answer them non emotionally, rather than to ignore them, which only seems to fuel the feelings.

Isn't it better to finally get to a place where you can communicate (we work on a non profit project together) with your XMM non emotionally and diffuse the situation.

any thoughts are appreciated.

Clarice

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Tue, 03-16-2004 - 11:29am
Do not answer, no contact
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2003
Tue, 03-16-2004 - 11:35am
Is he sending you things in an email account that you can block him? If you block him you would never know if he sent anything or not.

If it's in an account that you can't block him in, I would say just delete without reading them.



Avatar for shescomeundone2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Tue, 03-16-2004 - 5:09pm
Clarice, yoiu are a smart woman and I think you know the answer to this one.

A response is a response, whether it be emotional or not.

Jazzdiva

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-23-2003
Tue, 03-16-2004 - 8:23pm
I suggest you think about it and decide what's best for you. I think that, yes, being able to communicate with and Ex (any Ex) is ultimately a sign of maturity and forgivness and proves by gones are by gones. But not every can or wants to do that. It's not bad or wrong, or even necessarily "less mature" if one doesn't communicate with an Ex. As a matter of fact it's usually more normal not to keep communicating with an Ex.

So you know yourself, figure out whether you are truly moved on enough and resolved enough to handle contacting this guy to acknowledge receipt-without slipping into the EMA pattern. Or if this is really a pretense for you to "hold on" to the relationship.


I know several alcoholics who have gone through AA. One of them is very adamant about the key to success being having NOTHING to do with alcohol in any capacity. Does not associate with drinkers, etc. Another sees it as her own responsibility to abstain and will attend functions where alcohol is served, and associates with people who drink excessively, but keeps control of her own actions and doesn't have a problem with it (or if she does feel tempted she'll pull back). Then this other guy for the most part avoids alcohol, but he too associates with people who drink. And 2x a year (his birthday and I think New Years Eve or Christmas) he has one toast of champagne. All of these people have been sober for 10 and more years, but have different beliefs about what it takes.

Know thyself...