anxiety

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2010
anxiety
6
Tue, 07-06-2010 - 5:40pm
I had a wonderful, relaxing time on vacation-away from the town where the EA took place. I missed xAP (quite alot sometimes) but wasn't anxious. As soon as I got home, I began to feel anxious-a persistent, distracting feeling of uneasiness that won't go away. I will have to see xAP sometime-perhaps even later in the month. I don't know if that's what's causing the anxiety or not, but I'm wondering if anyone else experiences this generalized icky anxiety and if anything makes it go away. RTG
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2010
In reply to: room_to_grow
Tue, 07-06-2010 - 6:28pm

I can definitely relate. I started feeling a lot of anxiety after ending my A while I was still working with xap. I think for me it was the knowledge that I'd have to interact with him and worrying how that would make me feel. After I left my job for a new one, I still felt that anxiety. I never wanted to leave my house or my husband's side. What I realized is that I had become so closed off from my real life during the A- alienating friends, co-workers, etc. I just didn't feel comfortable now that I was back in my new life. But I forced myself to do things I loved pre-A and now I am finding some of that anxiety melting away. I still have a great desire to spend as much time with my H has possible. I think the anxiety now comes from being alone- I don't want to be alone with my thoughts for fear of what those thoughts might be. I am tired, after over 5 months, of feeling "hurt" or "sad." When I am with my H or keeping busy, I feel better. I hope this helps. I think what you are experiencing is normal, so I urge you to throw yourself back into your real life.

Hugs,

Jane
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
Jane
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2010
In reply to: room_to_grow
Tue, 07-06-2010 - 6:39pm

Jane,

I can definitely relate to these words...."I think the anxiety now comes from being alone- I don't want to be alone with my thoughts for fear of what those thoughts might be. I am tired, after over 5 months, of feeling "hurt" or "sad." When I am with my H or keeping busy, I feel better."

I feel the same way. H is traveling all week again and I'm lonely. I have my kids, part time job, but it doesn't seem to be enough to keep my thoughts from NOT wandering to xAP.

How do some women force thoughts of xAP out of their heads? I wish I had a magic wand.

MovingON

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2010
In reply to: room_to_grow
Tue, 07-06-2010 - 6:43pm

I think it comes from practice. That whole "fake it till you make it thing" applies here. You keep reciting all of the lovely mantras of strength you gather here- "he doesn't matter." "it was all lies." "you are way better off now." "he's at home with his family where he always intended to be." "you are free!!!!" If you keep reciting those things, along with telling yourself to "stop" when you start obsessing, eventually you internalize those mantras. I still fall prey to my wandering mind, but I am better able to stave off the panic attack. I am better able to prevent myself from wallowing- and that's after over 5 months of reminding myself of all the wonderful advice and insight I've been given here.

For the past 2 months, my H has had class every weeknight. The first few weeks, coming home to hours alone, were awful. But I got better at it. I started doing things I liked to do by myself- reading, writing, cleaning the house, running, playing with the dogs- and now, I actually look forward to coming home to have that time to myself. And it makes time spent with my H that much more precious.

Hugs,

Jane
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
Jane
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2010
In reply to: room_to_grow
Wed, 07-07-2010 - 2:47am

I like the idea of the mantras, Jane.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2010
In reply to: room_to_grow
Wed, 07-07-2010 - 11:25am

Ratherbeme introduced me to my newest favorite mantra: I may miss what might have been, but I don't miss what really was.


Each time I say this, I remind myself that the reality of the A sucked. I had built it up to out of control proportions in my head- so much drama and so not worth it.


Hugs,


Jane
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2010
In reply to: room_to_grow
Wed, 07-07-2010 - 11:25am
Thank you for your responses. It's good to know that someday this feeling will also pass. I've heard anxiety described but really hadn't experienced it in my own life until now. It happened quite awhile after ending. I'm just weary of feeling anything A-related. All those negative emotions do wear on a person (although I don't regret all the positive things I've learned). I will not be making the same mistakes again.