Any advice appreciated

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2003
Any advice appreciated
3
Tue, 08-10-2004 - 6:18pm
Hi!

Him - in a 20 year relationship with a woman who lives on another continent (but only for the last 5 years). He is devoted to his work and so is she - apparently, living together is just not a priority for them. I have no reason to think that I would be a priority to him, but we are all work-driven people, and maybe that's ok with me, I think that if a child was involved, this would be everyone's priority. Complication - we work closely together as equals.

Me - just recovering from a divorce, and in a very volatile relationship that I really am not a fan of. We see each other once a week and are both feeling quite unloved. But we like to go hiking together.

Us - both admitted that we have a long-standing infatuation with each other. He says he's in love. I don't know - certainly I love this person and am attracted. We have discussed the fact that we need to stop and not pursue it further, but we keep on talking to each other, and don't want each other to hurt.

It's completely distracting and I need to work. He left a phone message and an email and I am trying to be strong, and to not write back. But it is hard. Why do I always have to be the mean one, and to do what is hard but right? I had to do this with my husband, who was completely passive, I keep on trying to do this with my current "boyfriend" who just pesters me until I let him back in. I am tired of kicking the puppies...
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Tue, 08-10-2004 - 7:35pm
Kick the puppies to the curb, and work on getting yourself to the place you will not accept second best anymore.

OM will treat you no better then his G/F maybe worse as your going to be his dirty little secret.

Respect yourself and stop settling Sarah.


Edited 8/10/2004 7:36 pm ET ET by mefreenow

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2003
Wed, 08-11-2004 - 4:13pm
Ouch! Yes, I do need to respect myself and not settle for second best. But it is hard because I sort of idolize this person and so do many of the people who we work with! He has been a fantasy to me and it is such a shock and pleasure to find out that he is in love with me.

On the other hand, this has already disrupted my last week so greatly (this all occurred within the last week!!!!) and it needs to end. My 'affair' is a week long and already it's complete anguish! I can't stop thinking of him! I need to get out of this as soon as possible, because it's not going to get better, right?

I finally broke down and left a voicemail last night, in reply to his email and voicemail. It's hard, because he is only nice, and even though I have angry thoughts, I can't express them. Now I feel some peace, because the ball is in his court. However, I check my email obsessively and keep the phones nearby. Stupid. I really liked our relationship before all of this.

help me to be strong!!!

Best wishes to all. I can't imagine how hard it is for all of you who have been in your affairs for a long time (more than a week!!!) or really been close to someone. I admire your courage for trying to end it.

Best, Sarah

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Wed, 08-11-2004 - 7:12pm
Sarah

As my mother would have said, when a man goes after a married woman it is NOT A COMPLIMENT, he has judged her as a whore or a fool, and when he does so he shows his true nature not the one he shows to the world.

Ouch, yes it is an Ouch but it is also true sadly