Any good books?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2005
Any good books?
6
Thu, 03-17-2005 - 11:22am
I went to the co-dependence and love addicts board to see if anyone knew of any good books and no one replied. So again I'll try here, does anyone know of any good books to read. T isn't an option and I love to read so I thought maybe someone here knows of a good read. For those of you who know my story, maybe you'll think of a particular book that will help the most. Mainly I'm dealing with loneliness and trying to find a purpose to living. I don't know if I should remain around here or move away. I was staying here b/c I was convinced last summer that there was lots here for me. Now that we are apart I don't know why I'm here. My father is here and I do need to stay somewhat close but I don't know what to do.
LilRocket
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2004
In reply to: lilrocket
Thu, 03-17-2005 - 12:49pm

((LIL)),

Here's a sample of this kind of things this lady writes:

Sometimes we need to say good-bye. Some good-byes come suddenly, without warning. Others are anticipated. Sometimes they’re a relief. And sometimes they hurt deeply. We say good-bye to things, people, and places. We say good-bye to beliefs and behaviors that become outdated.

Occasionally along the journey we need to say good-bye to something else, too – our dreams.

Dreams are precious. They become embedded in our minds and our hearts. When they die, it can be painful to let go of them. But if we’re not careful, dead dreams we haven’t released can sabotage our lives and hearts. We will continue to try to place people and things in the vacant roles in our dreams. Our dead dreams will, in fact, be controlling our lives and blocking our hearts. Living with dreams that are dead closes the door to finding new visions and creating new dreams.

If you can’t see today or tomorrow clearly because of yesterday’s dreams, it may be time for a funeral. Tenderly take your dearest dreams, your highest hopes and aims-the ones form yesterday that are now never to be-and place them gently in the ground. Tel them how dear they were, and are. But tell them also, it’s time to say good-bye. Cover them up. Dry your eyes.

And open yourself to the new hopes and dreams of today.

Journey to the Heart, Melody Beattie

Go to Amazon.com and under books type in "Journey to the Heart" and do a search. The link isn't working in my post. Melody has written several good books.

Id




Edited 3/17/2005 5:19 pm ET ET by id_diosyncrity

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2005
In reply to: lilrocket
Thu, 03-17-2005 - 4:49pm
Thanks Id.
I was reading one of her books called 'codependence no more' and it's good, well ok. It talks so much about women who are dependent on men who are alcoholics and I find I can't relate. I tried taking just the lesson from each story and make it mine to learn but I couldn't make the bridge to my co-dependence. It's tough.
Yesterday and today have been a little tough but I think I'm growing. I've been thinking about him a lot, two days ago he drove by work. i imagine he was going to stop in to pick up his pay stub and other paperwork but once he saw my car there he just drove by. I was reading in the front office which points to the road, usually I sit in the back so I don't watch the road. However on that day there were so many people around I sat up front. It wasn't 5 minutes and he went by again towards his house, I imagine he went to grab a coffee. Since then I've been thinking about him. I miss him but I think about how he just dumped me after all those things he said. He told me to open my heart to him then he diced it up. I could and would never get past that so I know there is no future. Yes I know there is no future also b/c he hasn't made contact with me since then. I know no one here will like this but part of me thinks, 'What's wrong with me? I tried hard. I loved hard and I worked hard at making us good. Why aren't I good enough? Am I good enough for anyone else? It doesn't feel like I am right now but deep down I know better. I know the reality is that I worked hard at something that would never work. He did give up too soon on his family. He didn't give her a chance. I don't believe in my heart of hearts it will matter, they were so wrong from the beginning but he should have talked to her. I was prepared last summer that he and I might end and he would stay with her. Then I was ready for that reality and I could have handled it better then. After they separated and signed the D papers I thought it was really over. He said he used to look at her and wonder if there was an ounce of him that loved her even a little that he could stay and make it work and he said every time the answer was no. Did I do something to make him go away and not love me anymore? Was it just guilt? I don't know and no answer will make the difference. I guess my self-esteem isn't back up there yet. I'm sure it's climbing a hard battle.
Going out in the community I feel like everyone knows. I'm trying to get past it but it's tough. I know the w talked to anyone who would listen. The ex lives in another community so when he goes out there's hardly anyone who really knows anything is going on. He likes to keep everything including me, a secret.
Anyway, enough venting. I feel like I'm wondering aimlessly in this world. I think I feel like that b/c I don't have a man to indulge into. I know it's wrong and I want to fix it. How? Anyone. I am doing things I like to do but I don't get the same enjoyment out of them anymore. I think I'm losing my mind again.
LilRocket
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
In reply to: lilrocket
Thu, 03-17-2005 - 5:27pm

Rocket

1)Not just friends : Author S Glass

2)After the affair : Author J Abrams

3)The Monogamy myth : P Vahaugn

4)Wild at heart : Author J Eldridge

5)Passionate marrage : Author Schnarch

6)Shattered vows : Author S Glass

7)His Need Her needs" how to build an affair proof marriage. by Harley

May be # 2 may prove interesting

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2004
In reply to: lilrocket
Thu, 03-17-2005 - 10:52pm

hey rocket,

what do u mean u gonna move!!

have u read "tuesdays with Morrie" its a good book about life

take care, we all care for u here,
max

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2004
In reply to: lilrocket
Fri, 03-18-2005 - 12:22am

hi rocket,

it will get better, i know it will, i know how hard it is, when we give all we got and we think its not enough for the other person, we wonder why but we can only continue so much, keep the memories but move on

u are not wandering aimlessly, there is always somewhere to go, on say u will bump into someone who will look at u with love and he will take your breath away :) so u are not wandering aimlessly at all

u are not good enough, u are more than enough !!!, hey, do some shopping, i think im gonna go shopping, i just discovered that if i buy stuff it makes me happy (for a man)

i think im gonna buy a Boxster S convertible for summer, silver with red interior

try to smile to anyone also, force yourself to smile,

max

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2004
In reply to: lilrocket
Sat, 03-19-2005 - 7:26am

Hi!

Just finished reading a great book on relationships - there is a section on co-dependancy,but in general, it really hits on why we make the same mistakes over and over in trying to find the "right" person. It really opened my eyes. It's called "Are You the One for Me?", by Barbara DeAngelis. She also has a lot of other great books too. I also just read "Red Flags - How to Know When You're Dating a Loser", by Gary Aumiller and Daniel Goldfarb. It basically profiles 25 different types of people to watch out for - but if you are already in a R - it helps to see how these types may be causing problems you may not be aware of.

When we are in an A, or any start of a R - in the beginning it's all great. Everyone is on their best behavior and showing their good side. After the newness wears off, the real person emerges. Hopefully its not so majorly different than the person we first met. But like most people, we tend to pattern ourselves with the same types, they just have different faces. I didn't realize this until reading the first book I mentioned, that most of the guys I seem to hook up with seem to have many things in common. I thought they were so different, but in actuality, they were very similar.

Hopes this helps. I haven't been to this board for a long time. Probably will be a lot more. I am considering breaking off my A with MM. Probably this weekend.

Good luck,

Fire