Any happy endings??

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2004
Any happy endings??
4
Sun, 02-29-2004 - 7:07pm
I know the stats, but does anyone know anyone that ever left for the OM/W and was actually happy. Honestly, it's something I'm considering at this point.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
Sun, 02-29-2004 - 7:31pm
ist23~

Yes, with great hesitation I tell you this though. Someone has already mentioned that it is VERY RARE for these things to work out, happily. A person should NEVER leave one relationship for another...its guaranteeing almost certain failure. Why? How can you possibly get to know someone, truly, when you only see him on the sly? You have only seen the best parts of him because of your limited time with him. IF you want to leave, leave because of YOU....you are unhappy with your marriage. However, you h deserves a shot, too. At one point you loved him, right? Why not try...if not, leave and then give yourself 6 months to get your head together....jmho.

Happy endings? Sometimes...my father left my mother for ow about 26 years ago. He has never been happier in his life. He has a good marriage and a new family (his w, dd from that marriage, and extended family). However, he left his his 4 dd's utterly and totally devastated. I knew he had to leave (it was a very bad and violent marriage--believe it or not, my mom was the perpatrator) but he chose his w over his kids....those scars last forever. My wounds have healed....my sisters...well, not so well.

Please, get into some individual counseling first and give yourself time. IF you OM loves you, truly and deeply, he will wait and be patient while you reach your own conclusions.

dharma

Avatar for shescomeundone2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Sun, 02-29-2004 - 8:54pm
yes, my cousins husband left her for the woman he was cheating with and they are very happy. They have been married for over ten years now. My cousin is still single and unhappy, poor thing.

I think I may have been happy if i took XOM back, but it is not worth the risk and not worth upsetting the world as my children know it. I'll never know for sure, and that is okay.

Jazzdiva

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Sun, 02-29-2004 - 11:41pm
Yes, my MM is leaving his wife. He would have eventually, but falling in love with me has accelerated the process. I have real concerns for our kids, especially his. We each have two. We spend as much time as we can together, in person and on the phone. Our relationship started out as an affair but has evolved into a wonderful and loving friendship, and devoted partnership in life. We are both very real and honest with eachother and know that we are in for a tough ride. I am 'waiting' for him. No matter how long it takes. He has made his decisions on his own. I never asked him to leave her. I left him, then he decided to get off the fence so to speak and make some real decisions about his life.

Anyway, thus far he is happy with the decisions that he has made.

The first poster that responded to you gave good suggestions. I agree with what she said.

Without Honesty, Communication, Respect, and Trust you have no relationship. This is the only way a relationship can work. No matter how it starts.

~Love

Love
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 03-02-2004 - 12:47pm

I do: ME.


Although, actually, I left the marriage because the marriage needed to end, or at least change to the type of relationship I had with OW, i.e., respect, kindness, truthfulness, positive attitude toward life. I left knowing I had done everyting I could short of dying (and I almost did that too from the stress) to make my marriage work and could leave without any further regrets.


I now have that life with my former OW. My kids have had to adjust to the new life situation, however, all have commented that it's better to have mom and dad apart and not fighting than to live day to day in a battle zone.


OW/CW's children have also had to adjust to the change in their lives. For the most part, having a steady male father parent has been a big adjustment for them. They've had their ups and downs with me, yet there's now a solid foundation of years of consistent "dad" experiences with me that have smoothed over the initial misgivings about the new life arrangement.


As for happiness, well, let's just say I am one of those guys that adores his wife and anyone who sees us together knows it instantly by looking at us.


Yeah, it can be that good....based upon respect, kindness, open communications and thinking before speaking. Or as one of my former counselors put it "every time you look or say something to her (CW) remember this is the woman you love above all others and let your words and actions reflect that."


I give it and I receive it and I won't settle for anything less having had it.


You can too.