Any success stories?
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Any success stories?
| Thu, 01-13-2011 - 2:24pm |
Hello,
NC 7 days here so newby. Story posted on another spot under "Want to join". Was wondering, can anyone share a success story where they had an A, had a D-day and ended the A and was able to reconcile with spouse. This is my sit and I wonder if anyone else has this experience. And not belittling or glorifying A's b/c they're wrong just wondering how many people survided and continued M. Some questions for thought: How long did it take spouse forgive you? How long did it take to forgive YOURSELF? While things cant nec be the same, are they back to somewhat normal?

Congrats on making it 7 days NC!
I am still married...things aren't perfect yet, but I've also had a rough road. My H got lazy, I told him so many times that I was feeling lonely and neglected and he just wasn't interested in making the efforts. I became close to a friend who I had known for 12 years and we started the A. My A lasted 2 years (it was very intense and I thought we were in love - went on vacations together, said we loved each other, even made a date we would be together), H found out, I wasn't sure what to do about the A...I wasn't ready to end it and told H this (I was so stupid) but he said he wasn't giving up on me. 2 weeks after Dday, my dad was hositalized and died after 4 weeks of being in ICU. exAP turned out to be a total jerk and ended our A a week after my dad's funeral (which of course hurt so bad) but really he did me a favour ending it. I am so lucky to have a husband who loves me...he was supportive through my dad's health crisis and his death. It was hard for H to not make rude comments about my A during this time but I told him that I was going through enough without the guilt of my A to slap me in the face. We have a house currently being built, so it is something to look forward to and I'm sure our relationship will get back on track once we are in our new house and on our own (currently we have moved home with my mom to help out and wait for our house to be built). I hope that you and
Hi Amex,
My situation is bit different in that my H had had affairs before me and was caught so even though he was upset, devastated, etc. it was a bit hard for him to say too much as he had done this to me.
Cait,
Thanks for your response and also your support. Our stories are similar with our M. We are back to 98% and she rarely brings it up. But after the D-day I was the devil for about 6 months. But I think the strength of our marraige pulled us through. Her biggest issues are anger and abuse, both of which she has 90% corrected. But we are best friends and travel great. So glad to be done with A. Wish you and your husband well in M and new house.
Amexdm
HI Amexdm-
I am 18 months post D-Day and my H and I are trying to reconcile, but the jury is still out on if we will be a true success story or not.
thanks hearta,
my D-day was 18 months ago also. As I said it was a rough 6 months. But we are healing now. I hope you and your h can work it out but in my wise old age (45) I think if its meant to be it;s meant to be. Good point on not many success stories. I'll calm my happy self down and realize that most A's dont end well. We can only move forward and learn, Wish you well.
It's been two and a half years since my d-day, have been rebuilding since then, and things are pretty good for us at this point. It hasn't always been an easy road to walk, but we're still here, still together.
It took a lot of hard work on both our parts to get to this point. And while we still have our moments - at this point, those are just the basic married-kids-work-house-money-life sort rather than things that can be attributed to my affair.
I can't really speak to the whole forgiveness thang. It isn't something that I've ever asked for or really believe in, I suppose - at least in terms of my situation. My affair wasn't a lapse, or a mistake, or a simple error in judgment. It was a deliberate choice on my part, and one that I had the chance to change -- and didn't. I own that choice, and accepted and continue to accept the consequences that flow from that choice.
For me, acceptance feels more important than forgiveness, anyway. I am just me, with my good points and my bad points, with my strengths and with my flaws. My DH being willing and able to see all of those things and still be here, accepting me for who I am - that feels much more positive to me than him having to forgive me for who I am...
Kim