Anyone else

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2003
Anyone else
6
Mon, 05-16-2005 - 5:17pm
Have a MM man like mine. ALways AFTER the fact, examples, "I would have stayed all night but you made me mad, I was going to take you dancing but you were cranky, I was all ready to take you to Las Vegas but you started a fight". Isnt it funny how you have no clue he was going to do all this till AFTER the fact, after you sabatoaged it, man I have sabatoaged so much, he was going to move in with me but I fight too much with him. He was going to ask me to dinner but I did not pick up. He was going to leave the wife but I started a fight. Today, I actually crack up at his BULL, is that a sign of healing. I do not take it personal anymore I do not feel I am the reason this A has gone no where, in 5 year if he was going to leave he would have left. Has anyone got to the point of it being almost funny and when he tells you this you laugh in his face. The sad but funny part is I believed it for five years. I always ask him do you think I am stupid, hec yeah he does look at all the LIES I listened to and believed for years, of course he thinks I am stupid, it is my own fault, but no more! NOW he is just a pathetic joke! He never believes I am walking away because he calls me and I give in. I have never walked away but this time is different! I am walking away with a smile. Not angry anymore, is that normal!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2005
In reply to: fooled2much
Mon, 05-16-2005 - 7:06pm

FTM

NORMAL, to heck with NORMAL if this works for you that is good enough.

As the old saying goes "Laughter makes like a good medicine"

Free

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: fooled2much
Tue, 05-17-2005 - 3:53pm
That happened to me as well. I confronted the MM I had dealt with--2 years after I had ended the affair with him. I don't know what I was looking for, maybe some kind of closure because I had ended it very abruptly. Anyway, he told me... "I was very close to leaving {the W for me}, but then you just..." I forgot what he said in the end, but basically it was because of ME and what I had done. For 5 minutes I felt bad, sort of blamed myself. But then it hit me: No.1, I don't think it's so wise to end a marriage soley to be with another person--so I wouldn't have wanted him to "leave W for me"; No.2 If he was "so close" to leaving, and hadn't left by that time we had talked--it became apparent to me that he really wasn't going to do it. He used that as bait for me to take him back or maybe wanted me to blame myself. Basically it's a manipulative tactic. It's funny too, I laugh at it now. Another thing I laugh about with him is how he had the nerve to think that I would accept his "stolen" moments. Most of the time we spent together was at my convenience because I was married at the time I knew him. But once I became single I never accepted his last minute, "I was just in the neighborhood and thought I"d stop by" bull. Nor did I accept his excuses of why he couldn't keep plans with me. A couple of times he tried calling me 3 hours after the fact of our plans and I politely declined saying how something else came up with me. The nerve of these guys is funny to me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
In reply to: fooled2much
Tue, 05-17-2005 - 8:13pm

RUN, don't walk...and don't look back or beat yourself up for staying for 5 years. He's history and life is ahead of you.


cl-nre


P.S. Answering your original post question, I never had any of my MWs or OWs act as your man did. Women are wired differently, talk differently and don't play that kind of silly after-the fact games......


"Men: can't keep'em and can't sell'em for parts"

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-19-2005
In reply to: fooled2much
Tue, 05-17-2005 - 8:18pm
f2m..I went through something like that. I started reading letters that I had written and never sent and sounded like a complete fool...I couldn't believe how I had let that man "carry" me for so long. Let him tell it, I was only imagining that he didn't really care about me! Whenever he felt like I was getting away from him, he'd pour on the phone calls, whatever for about 2 weeks, then tell me some crap about how (all of a sudden)he couldn't get me on the phone, if he could've reached me he had plans for the weekend, was going to stop by, whatever! I do sort of chuckle about it now because I couldn't believe I had been so pathetic and gullible. I'm not beating myself up about it, it just happened but it damned sure won't happen again. There's no self-pity here, just a lesson well-learned! In my everyday life, I don't think that anybody would believe that I let something like that happen to me. I come across (and I am as a matter of fact), one of the most professional, level-headed, got her sh** together type person you ever want to meet! I realize now that this was one of the reasons why I was drawn to him because it allowed me to exhibit another side of myself. I didn't want to be in control all the time but he took this side of me and abused it (emotionally). When I think about what I wanted from this man, I remember that he didn't deliver, he just made it worse. But I digress....I do now find my reaction to him funny sometimes and that's a good thing. I'm just so happy that I was able to get to that point and as I said before, if you ever think about going back or believing that crap again, make yourself remember how nauseating that roller coaster ride can be.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2004
In reply to: fooled2much
Tue, 05-17-2005 - 9:39pm

~Fooled~


<<".>>>


This is a form of emotional manipulation, or emotional punishment. It's usually seen in parent-child relationships and is a way to make the receiver feel guilty or

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2003
In reply to: fooled2much
Wed, 05-18-2005 - 11:28am
Wow, our stories sound very familiar, but I am sure most of ours do, I some times wonder if there is a book that MM read on how to emotionally beat down women, things to say about your wife if you want to have an A. Like your self, NO ONE believed I even gave MM the time of day, could not imagine if they knew how I allowed him to treat me for so long. I was management and he was a laborer, I take pride in my appearance, dress professional, manicures pedicures, always look very nice. Beautiful home in a nice area, then we have MM who lives in a little 1 bedroom shack in downtown Los Angeles with his wife and 2 kids, he barely speaks english, NO I do not speak spanish, everytime we meet fro a drink I am dressed professional since I go straight from work, he is all dirty and grungy from working all day. Then he treats me like he is doing me this huge favor. There have even been times I was embarrassed to be with him. Hoping no one I know would see me. WHat is wrong with me, and I allowed this man to beat me down. Like you all said I should run no walk as fast as I can away from this man. Thank you for your post and ipening my eyes a little more, every day gets easier. I think he is more of a habit then a feeling!