Anyone else feel this way?
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Anyone else feel this way?
| Thu, 02-03-2005 - 11:16am |
I think it's strange that I don't miss the "time" with my xMM that much. I loooooved being with him, kissing him, seeing him smile at me. But that has been easier to let go of than knowing him. I think about him seeing the Dr. and getting the results of his tests and of course I have no idea when he did/will do that and what the results are. I wonder what he is doing and if he left work early and if he took his family out to dinner. These things are what break my heart. It's NOMB and I am accepting that slowly. He has his family and his wife to discuss these things with. I fight with myself all the time, wanting to find a reason to talk to him but I am still resisting. I know it would be a backward step. How do I stop wondering about him?

deceived,
I don't think you will ever stop "wondering" about him. Maybe years from now. I also don't miss the A at all or my AP for that matter, but I still have the fun/fantasy/ addiction in my mind daily. You are right to just let it go. It is NOYB anymore. Focus on you, you, you and it will help even more.
~nutt
I am probably the only one on this board, or at least one of the very few, that has had more than 1 A. Although I am still battling emotions over XMM#2 at this time, the A that I had 5 years ago (which last about 6 mos.) ended very painfully. I don't know exactly when I started feeling better about that, but all I can tell you is that eventually I did.
There absolutely comes a time when you find that a day or two has passed without you thinking of him. Then the days turns into weeks. Funny thing is, even though after it ended with XMM#1 and how angry and hurt I was, I had found out just last year that he had divorced his W and met someone else who was pregnant with his baby. The last I heard, they were planning on being married (he had wanted to marry me back then, but that's not what I wanted). When I found that out, I wrote him a quick and short email (and we hadn't talked in years at that point), and I wished him happiness with his new life. He responded that he was very surprised to get from me (I guess he thought I hated him). It surprised me too, because it showed me that I can move past the emotions that had ripped my soul apart, and was able to completely get over him.
Maybe that's what keeps me thinking one day I'll feel the same about XMM#2. So you think about him, so what. You are human and your feelings are very real. You will never forget him, nor him you, but you WILL get past this horrible sense of loss you feel right now. I promise.