Anyone have HappyEnding to A?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2004
Anyone have HappyEnding to A?
11
Sun, 05-09-2004 - 7:34pm
I am thinking about ending my A. The reason I'm thinking about ending it, is because I realized I was falling head over heals in love and I want more. I am going to tell him I how feel and I'm not expecting him to leave his gf of 3 years.

Has anyone here ever have a happy ending to their A's? Do happy endings exist?

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Avatar for crystal_clr
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 05-10-2004 - 9:44am
Well certainly some people do end up together or are happy with the 'affair relationship' and so it works for them, but in every situation someone is hurt. Sometimes the partners in the affair, sometimes the betrayed spouse, sometime children, friends. Almost always there are lies and cover ups. Relationships damaged. There is always pain. I can't really think of an instance where there wouldn't be. Even if a spouse doesn't find out, their relationship is compromised and they have to feel that in some way. The betrayer has to feel the guilt of what they are doing. You know?

I wouldn't look for a happy ending. I would look for happiness after the ending.

Good luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2003
Mon, 05-10-2004 - 4:39pm
I guess that depends on how you define a "happy ending." I like to think mine ended pretty happily for me. I came to some major realizations about my life and my marriage and in the end decided that I was meant to remain with my H of 18 years so I have started rebuilding my family and am getting great happiness/satisfaction from that process. On my better days, I try to feel good about letting my OMM go - even though he's not too happy about it, because he really didn't have a future with me and he needs to make some decisions about his own life. Happy ending of the A becoming a marriage???? I don't think that happens too often. I came mighty close, almost ended my M to start anew with OMM, but in the end I couldn't do it. I don't know how many people are able to end marriages to start over with their affair partner, or how many of those relationships work... Just my .02. Love, Mo.

mo 7-18-10

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2004
Mon, 05-10-2004 - 5:05pm
My mind has been in a whirl the last several days thinking about this.

My birthday was last Thursday and MM (who's soon to be divorced) and I spent the afternoon together. We went out for a long lunch, beer, and conversation. Just as we were getting ready to leave for home, he got a phone call that I swear sounded like a woman. He started in on a fairly long conversation with this person and I found myself getting more and more angry. It turned out the call was not from a woman. I AM NOT a jealous person and certainly don't expect me to be the only woman he ever talks to but I realized again that I don't know if I'd ever really trust him. After all he had an affair with me. I used to trust him, but that's when we were in the beginning of the relationship and I knew that he was very emotionally involved with me. But the nature of relationships is that as they become more comfortable they can become less exciting and I think more susceptible to an affair. If he was able to cheat once, who am I to say that he wouldn't ever do it again. Of course, the same could be said of me even though I wasn't married.

The question going through my mind (again) is if a relationship is started on such a negative basis as an affair, how hard would it be to make the relationship be positive? (I'm having a hard time gathering my thoughts today so hope this makes a little sense.)

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2003
Tue, 05-11-2004 - 12:31am
My ending was VERY happy because I got free of the A after 3 long long years. That was over a year ago (last March) and every single day of my life has been better since I ended it.

There is fun, love, passion, and lots of happiness -- it's like getting out of prison. I am truly 1000% happier with my life since I ended it.

Affairs can end lots of ways -- I used to think the only happy ending would be marrying my MM. Now I know KNOW what a huge mess that would have been. maybe maybe maybe after years of a big mess with lots of hurt people & damaged trust & damaged finances, we could have been happy together. I doubt it. Actually I know it never could have "worked" in that way.

Mine ended relatively cleanly (okay, some minor stalking by xMM) but no big blow up--no confrontations with his W, no divorce, no children hurt or damaged by our mistake.

I was really lucky & I am truly happy now. Now that's my happy ending.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2003
Tue, 05-11-2004 - 8:43am
You know, there's an old saying, "When you marry your mistress you create a job opening."

Iknowitstime

(and so do you)

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2004
Tue, 05-11-2004 - 7:53pm
happy ending?? let's see....I had an A with MM, went on for approx. 7 months, W left him few weeks ago (wasn't because of the A, was because of other marital problems) and after that he told me that he just wants to be "friends" now for the sake of his child. This after he told me while we were together that he wanted to just run off with me and live somewhere, how he wanted to have a child with me, how he couldn't wait until she left him...blah, blah, blah. Happy ending, i don't think so for me right now...my life is full of a lot of hurt and confusion. Of course i don't know wat the future holds...i don't know if they will get back together, if they'll get divorced, if he'll even want me when it's all over, let alone go straight into another relationship after being married...after all, there are alot of fish in the sea that are biting. It's pretty much a shot in the dark on how an A will turn out...like stated before, if he cheated with you wats not to say he'll cheat again?? just something to ponder while you think the big picture over....
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2003
Tue, 05-11-2004 - 9:08pm
Well --

My OW and I left our rotten marriages, got married (to each other) with our children standing up with us, and have built a new life together. Our A ended but migrated into something much better.

Neither of us would go back to those awful A days. Both of us feel a strong sense of remorse for the pain we caused others. Ours is not a path I would recommend to others. But before her, I had no idea, no idea at all, what love, marriage, a real adult relationship was like. I would not trade what I have now for anything. But why did we have to walk such a painful and difficult path to get here? I'll never know.

Z.V.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 05-12-2004 - 12:52am

Ditto. Ditto.


I'm pleased to read that another couple has been down my path....


Yes, there are "happy endings". Like z.v. there are unanswered questions about the path walked, yet, I too would not trade what I have now for anyhting.


And to those who think that cheaters never stop or are never to be trusted:


Balderdash.


I stopped. Dead in the tracks and thoughts.


It IS possible.


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Wed, 05-12-2004 - 10:50am
Ditto, Ditto, Ditto

My mother married her MM and it was the best thing that happened to both of them.

With myself I love my MM turned OM and I'll be happy when he finds the love he needs that I can't give him. That's why we kept vascillating between FWOBs to FWBs, bc he doesn't want to be a cheater and doesn't want me to be one either. His marriage is dissolving due to issues PRIOR to us being friends that remained unresolved. He so much wants to be in a relationship where he won't cheat as I think a lot of us are in. There are the serial cheaters but not everyone is one. MM was the first man I ever got sexually/emotionally involved with, first and last EMA and I have no desire to be with anyone else.

I know the phrase "once a cheater always a cheater" or "if he cheated on his W, he'll cheat on you" is out there. Are we saying that that phrase applies to us MWs who are in EMAs as well? Or does it apply to men only? It definitely does NOT apply to me. I NEVER looked at another man, let alone a married one at that! We both had voids which were filled by being with eachother, talking to eachother, being friends.

Just my 2 cents.

Luvin

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
Wed, 05-12-2004 - 4:51pm
"Once a cheater, always a cheater?" OMG, I sure hope not. I was a MW and divorced during my long A. I know, beyond a doubt, that I will never, ever willingly enter into an A situation again. I have learned a very hard lesson and I don't believe I'm that dense as to have to repeat it. I think that is just one of those little sayings that everyone likes to say to further scorn people in affairs. Sure, there are certainly repeat offenders that can think of no other way to solve their problems at the time. But, I think that the saying should be, "a screwed up cheater that doesn't bother to solve their personal problems, always a cheater."

JMHO (who also hates blanket statements because nothing is 'always' true, except death and taxes)

Bird

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