Anyone in individual counseling?
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Anyone in individual counseling?
| Thu, 09-09-2004 - 11:16am |
I want to know if anyone here who has ended an A but has not told H/W about the A, but has gone to counseling? And while in counseling talked about the A with the counselor?
Has it helped?
I've been losing sleep at night. Could be the price to pay for the A.
Has it helped?
I've been losing sleep at night. Could be the price to pay for the A.

I, at one point, had ended my A(mm ended it) but I decided I would not tell my H and just try to deal with it all through counseling. I just did not and still do not see the point in hurting your H/W if your intentions are to truly work on your marriage and have fully put an end to the A. I found that no matter what I tried, said, or did what I felt in my heart did not change. I still loved MM and any advice pretty much fell on deaf ears. I think the key is your level of commitment to working on your marriage. I was not ready so it was not effective. Therapy is not a magic solution, it only works if you want it to. In my case, H and I are now separated and so is MM. We are currently trying to figure things out, trying to make a real go of it. In the end I had to trust my heart. It was and is the most difficult and frightening decision I have ever been faced with but the thought of losing MM was the one thing that frightened me the most. Will I regret it? Maybe, stats are against it working but I knew I could no longer live my life going through the motions. H was and is wonderful in many ways but it was not enough to hold a marriage together. We have a young child and I thank God every day that he and I never let our relationship reach an ugly and hurtful place. I think that telling H now would be cruel and really what purpose would it serve other than bring pain. I guess my advice to you is this... if you love your W and are certain you are done with A then no, I don't think you should tell her and yes, counseling can be beneficial. You have got to want it. I wish you all the best now and in the future.
I ended my A after a couple of months of it being physical. H always 'suspected' but I took it as just words, not really being serious. But it scared me enough to put an end to it.
I never plan on telling him. I wanted to tell him of my feelings for another man but I know that the result would be divorce and we have kids. And I don't want that.
Anyway, I was doing so good (although I was not sleeping) when I thought MM did not want contact anymore. Now that we are back to being friends, I can't stop the obsessive thoughts, however I have slept better since this.
If you end up going to therapy, please let us know if it works. They even have it on-line. I was just thinking about this today on my lunch hour; how screwed up my thoughts have been since we both told each other how we are just drawn to each other. I wish I knew why this man came into my life.
I think I was at a better place when there was no contact (like everyone says). It's kind of hard to accept, but when you think you are never going to hear from them again somehow it makes it easier to let go.