anyone involved with a Narcissist?
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anyone involved with a Narcissist?
| Sun, 01-24-2010 - 2:32pm |
Am I on the wrong board?
It has been 7 weeks NC, but really 8 weeks..sort of...
I left a week after he iniciated his 'ignore me thing'.

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myShadow (cuz surely this isn't the real me)
I'm sorry you two found yourself "freaks".
myShadow (cuz surely this isn't the real me)
myShadow (cuz surely this isn't the real me)
What seems to help me to is google "narcissist traits" or find some others who talk about living and dealing with a narcissist and I think "There but for the grace of God go I" and thank my lucky stars i am out of the relationship.
Wow up to 20%!?...amazing!!!
Hello ALL,
Again, this not mine, an article someone else posted, it helped me to NOT take everything MM said and did so personally. I was one of many he had lied to. It helped me to see that he was ill and broken well before he ever crossed my path. Understanding him and his behaviors have gotten me thru NC for almost 2 months now. I would feels sorry for em but I am sure he is happy with his exploits and will continue. He once told me that he did not last 3 months in his marriage before he cheated...It ended shortly after that confession. He thought it was something he should share with me...an insult is what it was.
The second portion is a combination is of other thoughts from our CL with my own spin particularly to my exAP. But its just all helpful. I used to really want to send the article to exAP for some time (anonymously of course), but he would never get it, everyone else is wrong and their is absolutely wrong with him. Scary to know who I was involved with. They can be very harmful people for various reasons.
Narcissist serial cheaters
A typical reason for infidelity is that one spouse may be a narcissist who often becomes a serial cheater. The narcissist is most likely to have many affairs and will pursue anyone they can manipulate with their boundless words and actions.
Narcissists are self-absorbed and tend to be highly charming. They have a constant need for admiration. They view all events in terms of how the events impact them and them alone. They are master manipulators and feel an “emotional high” with each new conquest. Their behavior is often impulsive which can appear exciting. These individuals lack compassion unless it helps them achieve their goals. They are unwilling to see or consider anything from another person's viewpoint. They will continue the emotional control with a target until the relationship becomes too burdensome (i.e. non offending spouse is made aware of the affair or an unplanned pregnancy).
They utilize no moral boundaries in their pursuit of admiration and physical activity from the opposite sex; frequently offering marriage, promises, baptism, children, etc. Literally - whatever the target “needs to hear” in order to close the deal is what the narcissist will say and do. Their targets are usually married/attached or single women with children, which heightens the feeling of conquest. They frequently have several affairs going on at once with no regard to the damage caused by their reckless pursuit of self-gratification. Narcissists develop specialized talents such as crying on cue, “elegantly” deceiving without stumble, lying naturally, saying just the right things at just the right time, etc. all designed to aid in attaining their goal.
Their behavior is more than a lack of self-esteem. It goes to the very core of the individual's personality and is a pervasive aspect of their lifestyle. This character flaw prevents them from keeping marriage vows and in the vast majority of cases narcissists will forever cheat on their spouse(s). It is interesting to note that narcissists rarely divorce and will fight tooth and nail to remain married. This is believed to go along with the “need to be accepted by all” mentality that narcissists possess. As strong as their need is to conquer outside their marriage; they turn into weeping idiots if/when their spouse even suggests divorce.
The spouse is their security blanket. Always something to go "home" to, to hold on to, due to a huge overwhelming fear of being alone. And they can never allow anyone to have knowledge that their life is not as perfect as they would like anyone to believe. They will also go through great lengths to protect their reputation in the community as a good family man/women. They even consistently lie among peers to appear to be a leader/womanizer to save face and/or appear "manly."
They are simply very insecure beings. so they consistently, over the years, talk about how they have all kinds of men/women. They claim they are well off, or have a high position at work etc... but they still need to get that high from some pretty gal/guy who'll think he's the finest, smartest, sexiest man. Understanding them makes them so transparent and juvenile. These people never ever grow up emotionally. She/he is still 16-18 emotionally in a 30-60 year old body, often even older They thrive on having their ego fed and will do just about anything that will make them feel better about himself/herself. Anything.
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Interesting enough though that they usually think so low of themselves as a loser, a failure, and a screw up, no better than their mother/father. You get the picture.
Affairs for many men (usually men) are like owning their very own candy store. They not only get their eye-candy fill, but they can also feed their shrinking egos on a daily basis. If it wasn't us they cheated with, it would have been the next gal willing to play. This is why we were NOT special, we were simply available.
When N's move on to a new other women
That girl or girls he is with will never win his heart. So much research on narcissists, they cannot be cured and they will never truly belong to anyone. They are not capable of love, empathy or commitment. I don't care if she is Heidi Klum or Halle Berry. Initially they are attracted to their conquest but then it becomes all about them. She/they do not even exist but only to stroke his ego. He doesn't care about her he is using her. It is hard for people like us who really do have feelings for others to understand creatures like this but unfortunately they are out there and very well disguised and by the time we find out about them we are already attached. If you were involved with someone like this, consider yourself lucky you got away from him. It is all about him and it will be forever. They are a very lonely and miserable existence.
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida
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