Anyone survived a really bad ending?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2009
Anyone survived a really bad ending?
13
Sun, 01-03-2010 - 10:18am

Happy 2010 everyone! I haven't had a chance to post for a while...too many people around over the holidays. But, I've jumped on and read a few posts here and there to keep me going.


I'm officially past 8 weeks now. I'm doing better in general. I don't really miss him and I definitely don't want him back. At least the fog has lifted enough for me to see what a weak, insensitive, fake he is and I know I don't want him in my life (really, I'm not just saying that to try to convince myself...I've done that in the past many times so I know the difference! :)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2009
Sun, 01-03-2010 - 10:40am

Hi HTBN no wise words but a big ((hug)) to you you're right about NNC = no new hurts and you will get through this, baby steps but you can get out to a happier and more peaceful life.

Roxy

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2009
Sun, 01-03-2010 - 11:09am
Thanks Roxy. Sometimes it just helps to hear someone else tell me I'll get through it...I don't trust myself much these days but I'm working on that too...:) Thanks too for reminding me that there is peace on the other side of all this chaos...
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2009
Sun, 01-03-2010 - 11:16am

My xAP didn't hurt me like your xAP, but I have been hurt and treated terribly in the past. A couple of guys treated me really, really badly. When I was younger (high school) one actually pressured me and pressured me to have sex with him. We had been dating for several weeks and he played trust mind games with me like holding his hand over my eyes while I was driving because I needed to trust him. I had lower self-esteem back then and really liked him so I basically gave in and just let him have his way and I just laid there. The next day he said it was all a game to have sex with me and he started dating someone else and never really talked to me again. I did slap his face right in the middle of the hallway and left a hand print on his face (which made me feel a little better :-) ).

It was soooo hard on me at the time, but now I realize that these things make you stronger. Thank God I found out the kind of person he was early on. I will never forget it, but I learned from it and I am a stronger person now because of it. I feel sorry for any poor woman who may be with him now. I actually found out later that he got into some trouble with the law and told on some friends and he never shows his face around town anymore. No one knows what he is doing or where he went.

One other guy that treated me poorly came to me a few years later and apologized. That was after he found God.

It took some time and it affected me for a while and it does take me a while to fully trust someone. I have never forgotten about it, but I did learn from it. I think that is probably why I never had sex with my xAP. I wanted to make sure I wasn't taken advantage of that way.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2009
Sun, 01-03-2010 - 11:34am

Funny that you mentioned that guy "finding God". I left the part out about my xAP being a born again Christian...he literally carries his bible around with him everywhere and even broke up with me the first time by reading scriptures to me! He supposedly found God and still cheated on his W, still treated me and who knows how many other people like crap. I used to tell him that the one trait about him that I found so attractive was how gentle he was...he said it was his relationship with God that made him that way. Hmmmm....not so gentle the last time I saw him but I would bet my house he had his bible in his bag...

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2009
Sun, 01-03-2010 - 8:38pm

Hey, UTBN~


I experienced somewhat the same "ending" with my xap....My xap was a bf from many years ago with whom I had a fabulous relationship. When we reconnected here almost 20 years later, it was mostly emotional (due to long-distance), with a little physical contact when he visited, but the connection/chemistry we had from so long ago was

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2009
Mon, 01-04-2010 - 4:14pm

That is kind of interesting that he read scriptures to you when he was breaking up with you. All I can say is that I feel like I'm a born again Christian too, but I definitely still sin. I try very hard not to, but I'm human and humans sin. I feel bad about it when I do, I try to identify it when I do, and then I just ask God for forgiveness, do my best to forgive myself, and try to learn from my mistakes.

Take care,
Luv

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2006
Mon, 01-04-2010 - 6:51pm

I would bet that he was "with" that other woman at the conference, sounds like you do too.

Onward and upward.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2009
Thu, 01-07-2010 - 9:04pm

Thanks, Energy...your reply made me laugh. I guess I mostly feel bad that I was so badly fooled.


iVillage Member
Registered: 08-06-2007
Thu, 01-07-2010 - 10:57pm

Honey, pat yourself on the back that you are out of this. He is the one that is still in it up to his eyeballs.


Go get 'em.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2009
Fri, 01-08-2010 - 7:40am
Hey UTBN- I continue to still fight pain and thoughts of wanting him to contact me/wanting that elusive closure from him. However, I am still riding that wave in that is staying angry about his "disrespect" for tucking and running. I will say that as the last days have passed, the anger is overriding the pain-only by a teensy bit, but again, I'm going to try to continue to use that to my advantage....I need to get over this guy!! Hang in there-feel free to email me if you wish. Free ((HUGS))

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