Are we abandiholics?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2007
Are we abandiholics?
2
Thu, 10-28-2010 - 9:47am
http://www.abandonment.net/abando.frame.html

malepov sent me this back in the MAS days. It meant something to me then but rereading it this morning it hits a little harder. Taking you vets advice and trying to figure out why I'm where I am. I think this is pretty close and I think I know where it comes from but thats a whole 'nother story.

I don't want to be this person. I sure as heck never thought I would be. I have the most awesome, gorgeous husband. He loves me like crazy and somehow my attraction for him falls flat. Nice guys didnt last. I would always lose interest snd theyvwould annoy me. I used to sleep with the craziest men back in the day, guys in bands and guys in bars. It's a wonder I don't have a disease. Notice I didn't say date. H and I actually dated. Didn't sleep together for months. I'm no dummy I married this guy! We actually gave a lit in common. Mostly sarcasm. Thankfully i was finally old enough to see what i caught and listened to my head even though my gut tokd mr differently. Thank god I didn't listen. To bad I didn't keep listening to my head. He would never do to me what I have done to him. :(

I gotta work on this. Because while I do love H A LOT... I'm sad to say I still lust XAP. Knowing that it's wrong. I would love to lust after my H. And to be honest I never really have. It's just a very comfortable R.

Sometimes even w/ AP I felt the need to pull away if I felt he was getting attached. We were together 4 years and several times I felt just "eh" about him until oh boy... Some sh!t would happen and his attention would wain and OMG I was all over him. Sex was great especially after he said he and his wife had awful sex or when he said it's been so long. I was trying to win. I am always trying to win, until I've won and then I could care less.

I think this is why I'm stuck where I am. Obsessing, I can't believe he let me go! I lost! And while I know I won't break NC... I really want him to. That way I win!!

Ugh... That is so gross!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009
Thu, 10-28-2010 - 1:18pm

Chechi,

I don't know if we're all abandiholics, but I know we're all 'something'.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2007
Thu, 10-28-2010 - 2:21pm
Yeah.. Bad title. But I think I am!!