Back again

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2008
Back again
13
Wed, 06-01-2011 - 2:27pm
I have been in an A for almost 2 years. I am a MW, he is technically a SM. I say technically cause he is still in love w/his x-wife but that is a long story. It started as an EA and eventually turned PA. I have tried to end it several times, came to this board in Dec and was doing good for a couple of months but eventually slipped back into old habits and started the EA again which turned PA again last nite.

Xap regretted it immediately and he ended things today. I am incredibly hurt and sad and have been crying all day. Every other time I have ended it so I am hoping that this time it is over for good. I sent him a final text telling him to never contact me again, which I know he won't. 99% of the time I would initiate contact. I also unfriended him and blocked him on FB. I just need to be strong enough to not initiate contact.

I really want to end this A and work on repairing my marriage. My H is a good man and I love him. Thank you all for the support.

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
In reply to: livin4me1
Wed, 06-01-2011 - 4:27pm

Welcome back, livin4me1

I'm sorry you went back out.


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2011
In reply to: livin4me1
Wed, 06-01-2011 - 6:21pm
Hi Living4me -

Welcome back, our doors are always open. I'm so sorry for the hurt you're feeling, and hope you'll do what's needed to keep yourself safe this time. Clarity has offered you some great advice - she's one of our wisest so read it well :)

((Hugs)) and smiles

Kat
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2008
In reply to: livin4me1
Wed, 06-01-2011 - 6:44pm
Clarity,

Thank you for the welcome. You hit the nail right on the head. I know that he always used me but this time I really felt used. He got exactly what he wanted and practically shoved me out the door.

This may sound crazy but I am glad he was the one who ended it because I think I will think about the rejection and not contact him.

I am going to try to talk to my H more when I am feeling down or want to revert back to my old ways. Tell him I need some extra attention. I am also going to take more time for me and take an exercise class or two to relieve stress. And come to this board and post and read!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2008
In reply to: livin4me1
Wed, 06-01-2011 - 6:51pm
Kat

Thank you so much for the hugs!!! I so angry at him but moreso at myself cause I caused myself this hurt. I had ended it for a month, then he contacted me and I was hooked again. I am looking forward to getting to know all of you!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2011
In reply to: livin4me1
Wed, 06-01-2011 - 7:02pm
If you stayed away for a 'couple of months' then you know you have the strength to do that again...and then NEVER again...! I am only 7 days out NC, so I can only offer what I have read, and am trying to act on myself. I know you can do this as I know I can also!!

I have this written on a sticky note stuck to my laptop that i got off of the Healing Library..I'm sure you know it... It helps me TREMENDOUSLY to continue my daily struggles w/ NC.

"Silence is Eloquent"
"Silence is Dignified"
"Silence is Heard"
"Silence is Strength"
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2011
In reply to: livin4me1
Wed, 06-01-2011 - 7:12pm
MAU, that same sticky note helped me enormously too - and on my angry days I would amend it to "nothing says F you like silence" :)

There is so much amazing stuff in the HL. One of these days someone should write a book on it!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2011
In reply to: livin4me1
Wed, 06-01-2011 - 7:25pm
Kat, You are SO right! Doesn't that feel soooo good! I was never mean to my xap b/c i didn't want him to think i was a bit**..I am a nice person, and I stayed nice up till the end, when all I really wanted to say was "F-u" and lots of other words not suitable for this board ;) xap was the mean one...but i just blew it off. Who's the better person now!

And, yes, a book for sure :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2011
In reply to: livin4me1
Wed, 06-01-2011 - 7:26pm
Is NC broken if I have to send a professional email? I sent two today, he was copied on one along with another colleague for a request, and the other was a response to a question sent to us both and I had to choose reply all.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2011
In reply to: livin4me1
Wed, 06-01-2011 - 7:57pm
CanDoThis - we each decide for ourselves when NC has been broken. It's a tool for helping our healing after all :) If you work with your xAP or have some other professional involvement, then limited contact is sometimes your only option. Sounds like you're doing all the right things by keeping it brief, professional, and copied in to others. Just think hard each time about whether it's an email you really have to send and your motivation for sending it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
In reply to: livin4me1
Wed, 06-01-2011 - 8:55pm

Excellent!


Pages