My xAP never initiated contact with me-ouch. Yet, he would mostly reply if I communicated something to him. Isn't it all just so painful? Living without them or living with them-neither feels like an option. Yet, living without them is our only hope for peace of mind and healing. Our only option for living an honest life. The only road to dignity and being the kind of person our family and friends would be proud of. I encourage you to stick with NC this time. You are here because you want the emotional turmoil to end. NC will hurt, but not as much as staying in the A. Keep reading and posting. RTG
Love the screen name- It sums up how most of us felt at the end of our A's. I will tell you this, ending an A is by no means easy, but it is easier than remaining in the endless cycle of pain. You will have many emotions to work through, but on this side of the A, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. You will start to regain your dignity. You will learn to be honest with yourself. You will become patient. We have all BTDT. You know that this A is toxic. It's time to free yourself. It's your choice- remain in the endless pain of the A or weather through the short lived pain of the ending. The ball is in your court and we will be here to support you when you start looking towards the light.
Welcome back. The good news is you have not given up and are still working on the ending!
A lot of questions came to mind when I read your post and I thought of a lot of questions to ask like if you have had a D-day(s), how long you have been in T and if you have gotten to any of your core issues yet. But you know what, none of that is important right now. Here is what I believe is important right now…why do “you” want to end it? What is different this time compared to the last time or the time before that?
You mentioned texting as your means of communicating. What have you done to safeguard yourself from the temptation? Have you blocked his number? Changed your cell phone number?
Big hugs,
E1
Whether you think you can or you think you can’t you are probably right.
Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.
I'm glad you are back - and you can do it this time. I've lived the life you have for 7 1/2 years - I ended it at least double the number of times you have, but who's counting - the only time that matters is this one. You said "forever seems so frightening". That's because it is - and that is why we don't think about anything except the present. Not an hour from now, not tomorrow - only right now.
"The journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step."
You have gotten some wonderful advice and I hope that you are really here to end it this time. Like you have already been told, THIS is the time that matters, you have us to help you along. Come here often, read and post but mostly, take it one day at a time.
But you have to END it. You cant worry about him, he is likely as addicted as you. I 1st came here in November and have been here daily since. It took me till April to finally end my A. I only ended it when I had no where else to go but up. The A had stripped me of my dignity, self esteem, self respect and I had nothing left. I had to save myself because XMM still
You say that neither of you wants to end their M but have you ever considered that your spouses don't want to be M to someone who is thrill seeking from an A. Two ppl who sneak around and can't live without each other yet hold their spouses hostage in a M because they don't want to let them go either. This is what my T told me when I told her that I didn't want to end my A over a year ago. She asked me why I gave myself permission to make decisions about having an open M without consulting my H. Your H has decided that he doesn't want to share his W. You don't have the right to continue to "play" him making him think that you are in a monogamous M while thrill seeking with the OM.
Love the screen name- It sums up how most of us felt at the end of our A's. I will tell you this, ending an A is by no means easy, but it is easier than remaining in the endless cycle of pain. You will have many emotions to work through, but on this side of the A, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. You will start to regain your dignity. You will learn to be honest with yourself. You will become patient. We have all BTDT. You know that this A is toxic. It's time to free yourself. It's your choice- remain in the endless pain of the A or weather through the short lived pain of the ending. The ball is in your court and we will be here to support you when you start looking towards the light.
Hugs,
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
Ok..so I want to want to be done forever..But forever, seems so frightening..I am so used to texting him almost daily & getting that fix.
Welcome back. The good news is you have not given up and are still working on the ending!
A lot of questions came to mind when I read your post and I thought of a lot of questions to ask like if you have had a D-day(s), how long you have been in T and if you have gotten to any of your core issues yet. But you know what, none of that is important right now. Here is what I believe is important right now…why do “you” want to end it? What is different this time compared to the last time or the time before that?
You mentioned texting as your means of communicating. What have you done to safeguard yourself from the temptation? Have you blocked his number? Changed your cell phone number?
Big hugs,
E1
Whether you think you can or you think you can’t you are probably right.
Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.
I'm glad you are back - and you can do it this time. I've lived the life you have for 7 1/2 years - I ended it at least double the number of times you have, but who's counting - the only time that matters is this one. You said "forever seems so frightening". That's because it is - and that is why we don't think about anything except the present. Not an hour from now, not tomorrow - only right now.
"The journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step."
Bodhi
Hi SOFS :)
We all feel the withdrawal but no one can measure the intensity each of us is feeling.
SOFS,
You have gotten some wonderful advice and I hope that you are really here to end it this time. Like you have already been told, THIS is the time that matters, you have us to help you along. Come here often, read and post but mostly, take it one day at a time.
But you have to END it. You cant worry about him, he is likely as addicted as you. I 1st came here in November and have been here daily since. It took me till April to finally end my A. I only ended it when I had no where else to go but up. The A had stripped me of my dignity, self esteem, self respect and I had nothing left. I had to save myself because XMM still
You say that neither of you wants to end their M but have you ever considered that your spouses don't want to be M to someone who is thrill seeking from an A. Two ppl who sneak around and can't live without each other yet hold their spouses hostage in a M because they don't want to let them go either. This is what my T told me when I told her that I didn't want to end my A over a year ago. She asked me why I gave myself permission to make decisions about having an open M without consulting my H. Your H has decided that he doesn't want to share his W. You don't have the right to continue to "play" him making him think that you are in a monogamous M while thrill seeking with the OM.