Back again...2nd Affair

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-18-2010
Back again...2nd Affair
4
Thu, 02-18-2010 - 9:15pm

Well, I have decided to stop lurking and come back to the boards.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-25-2010
Thu, 02-18-2010 - 9:36pm
I'm just starting out here, and never been M, so I don't usually speak to those angles because I've never 'been there'. S currently, was involved with a MM. Regardless, I do know what it's like to stay too long in a (legit) R that isn't any good. So, kudos to you on realizing that you need 'out' of both of these (non)relationships that are doing you no good.
It might have 'only' been a PA, but I'd bet it still hurts and I hope that this board is as helpful to you now as it was before and you get to where you need to be so that having an A won't happen again, for your own sake.
While I may be just a newbie, I have some welcoming hugs for you! And you know, hugs in general ((hugs!))
----
'It may be that when we no longer know what to do,
We have come to our real work,
And that when we no longer know which way to go,
We have begun our real journey'
- Wendell Berry

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
Fri, 02-19-2010 - 6:51am

RG~

<>

Of course you are welcomed back, but I am also sad to see you here again under these circumstances. Paying it forward would not only be good for others, but I think it will help you too. When we keep repeating destructive patterns, it's time to look deep within ourselves to find out why. You mentioned you had abandonment issues and saw a T for this after your last A ended. Perhaps it's time to make another appointment? I would strongly suggest that you do but this time work on whether or not leaving your SO is something you can handle without serious emotional repercussions. Suffering from abandonment is one thing, but being the person who abandons another could also have serious side affects, so it's important that you work it out thoroughly with a professional before making any more life changing decisions.

<>

Honey, there's no point in beating yourself up. Affairs do enough of that to us. ;-) What you need to do now is forgive yourself and continue learning why you use affairs as a coping mechanism for how you deal with RL issues and stress; another reason for counseling.

We are here for you, RG. Seems we are short on Vets these days , but we have many gals only a few months out that are already full of wisdom and insights. You could be one of them in short time if you stick to NC, consider returning to T, and hanging with us for as long as you need to.

((Hugs))

~ Iddy~

   ~Iddy~ 


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009
Fri, 02-19-2010 - 10:02am

(tears)
Welcome back. heartfelt and achy for you. Welcome BACK.
I am thankful you're here, for my own selfish reasons, and I cannot wait to hear more about your experience, as I think you have a lot of history and insights to share that will benefit us all. Thank you for coming here.

xo
Dee

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-18-2010
Fri, 02-19-2010 - 3:19pm

Thank you for the words of support and encouragement, they are so appreciated.


I did lose it on XAP this morning as I had a feeling and checked the site we were both on and lo and behold, he is back on there. I deactivated my account.