Back & Forth
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Back & Forth
| Thu, 07-01-2004 - 1:21pm |
I was wondering how many of you have been in an affair, ended it by you or the other person, only to find yourself back in the affair.
I had a 5 month affair with a co-worker. He ended it due to all the stress of his other job and stress at home.
He said he wanted to continue being friends. It was very hard at first, we were sort of distant with each other. Then a few months passed and we started talking more and opening back up to each other and he would occasionally give me a certain look. I wondered if he was still interested in me and asked him one day and he told me yes. Still nothing happended, but the looks became more and more frequent. Then before I knew it there we were, back in the affair. I know that is all it will ever be, we are both married and have no intentions of leaving our spouses. There is just this incredible chemistry and attraction that we have for each other.
I know it is so much easier to start the affair up again if you still see this person on a regular basis. I can not imagine never seeing him or being able to talk to him again.
I have one very dear friend that I can talk to about this, she does not judge me and she is always there for me. I know he has told one of his friends about me.
I had a 5 month affair with a co-worker. He ended it due to all the stress of his other job and stress at home.
He said he wanted to continue being friends. It was very hard at first, we were sort of distant with each other. Then a few months passed and we started talking more and opening back up to each other and he would occasionally give me a certain look. I wondered if he was still interested in me and asked him one day and he told me yes. Still nothing happended, but the looks became more and more frequent. Then before I knew it there we were, back in the affair. I know that is all it will ever be, we are both married and have no intentions of leaving our spouses. There is just this incredible chemistry and attraction that we have for each other.
I know it is so much easier to start the affair up again if you still see this person on a regular basis. I can not imagine never seeing him or being able to talk to him again.
I have one very dear friend that I can talk to about this, she does not judge me and she is always there for me. I know he has told one of his friends about me.
My MM is a police officer and I often wonder if it is true what they say about being "family", do they talk to each other about these sort of things.I work with a lot of his fellow police officers and I sometimes wonder if they know about our affair.
I wonder if they have to have someone to talk to just as much as us women do.
I can't go one hour of any given day without thinking about him and wondering if he is thinking about me. I look forward to the days that I get to see him.
Why do we do this to ourselves?

Keep it up and your HUSBAND will be the one deciding about staying or leaving, as I recall he already suspects you of cheating on him.
I have been there, too. My situation sounds very similar, only instead of the looks, ours would be friendly emails that would start taking a little bit of a flirty turn. The heat would turn up, and before I knew it we'd be meeting in an empty office. I'm married, he lives with his girlfriend, but the chemistry and attraction was CRAZY! We agreed no emotions could be involved, but I am female, so of course they became involved. Any connection we had became less and less as he pulled away because he was afraid of getting intense feelings. I tried desperately to get it back, and compromised myself in the process. I met him and gave HIM pleasure, rarely the other way around. How pathetic. I would feel so bad, but I still wanted him, and I wanted him to want me. I thought I could bring back the connection we began, but it never worked. We would end things, and start them back up. It has now been over a week since any contact, and it's hard. But every day it gets easier. I still think about him all the time, and I know what you mean about not being able to imagine not being friends. Me too. BUT I think we desperately need to stay away LONG ENOUGH this time to completely get our minds together and our hearts straight. I know I will never be able to be casual friends with him until the pain is over. While we're still hurting, we're much more likely to either fall back into the affair, or to lash out at them. (I am very angry at mine.) I need to cool off and get myself together before that's even a possibility. It's not worth it. We have husbands who love us and who we love. And we need to love ourselves more than we lust after some co-worker whowe will never fully have.
Good luck and stay strong!
In regards to the back and forth nature of A's, I know from my experience that it is torture not knowing what is going on from day to day. I chose to end my A out of respect for my husband, my marriage, and myself. My marriage is not doing well at the moment, but the way I see it, it can't possibly improve if I am involved in an A. I guess there's no time like the present to start making things better. Whatever you choose to do, I wish you well. Remember to always put yourself and your feelings first and #1 above all else.
:)
Circe