Bad combo..reality & withdrawl

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2009
Bad combo..reality & withdrawl
5
Tue, 02-02-2010 - 7:10pm

I am day 4 on complete NC and about a month into LC. Overall, Im doing well but Im posting tonight because I miss the high I got from the A and Im now being hit with a huge dose of reality and facing what I have done. Im hoping that by posting this, I can get some of this off of my chest.


I miss the high and guess Im going through withdraw from Xap and the A. I miss the banter, the attention,

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
Tue, 02-02-2010 - 7:58pm

((GMLB))


Although I didn't have to deal with the guilt of betraying a spouse, I did have a lot of guilt for what I had done to Xmm's W behind her back. What you are feeling are indeed withdrawals if it has now been 4 days of NC, instead of LC. Your mind has had the

   ~Iddy~ 


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009
Tue, 02-02-2010 - 8:42pm
gmlb,
Baby Girl, I hear you. I WAS you a few months back. Please just hold tight. Read and really trust what Iddy is telling you; it's all 100% right on. The beginning is so hard; it's impossible to see the light at the end of the tunnel when you're so raw and new. But, believe me, there is an END to this confusion and pain; you just have to stay hopeful and work on your healing. It's the only way to reach that light.
My bestest mostest love and support,
Dee
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2009
Thu, 02-04-2010 - 9:01pm

Hey, get...


:o)....you KNOW I've btdt!! Just like dee...I was you a couple months ago.


Just like you will finally get to acceptance over losing the r with your xap, you will probably find that you will get to acceptance over the fact that you betrayed your h. That sounds bad, but do you understand what I'm saying? I mean, what's done is done, and I'm a firm believer in "everything happens for a reason."


While your h doesn't need to know about the a, use the fact that you had it to strengthen your m. Talk to your h...tell him what you need...who knows? He might surprise you and really fill the void that your xap was filling. I reinvested in my m and it is better than it has EVER been. The a served as the catalyst for change...and the only options were either it getting A LOT better or being OVER. If you're committed to making your m work, it can be done.


I still struggle with withdrawal from xap...still miss his calls, emails, voice....and still wish I knew he thinks about me--I'll never know--he will not break nc and NEITHER WILL I. End of story. I DEFINITELY still struggle with tremendous guilt over being distant with my children (short-tempered, annoyed, pushing them away so I could email xap in peace)....UGH...HORRIBLE guilt....but...what's done is done.


You will be fine...you will feel better...CHIN UP and hang in there. Brighter days lay ahead! :o)


Free


iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2009
Fri, 02-05-2010 - 3:35pm

Free,


The catalyst for change part helped and that is what I am hoping for. I spent years trying to talk to H and tell him what my needs were, all for him to ignore them. It wasnt the right thing to do but I turned to having an A to get my needs met. So needless to say, now I have to fix my marriage AND get over my feelings for Xap. WTH was I thinking, having the A got me the attention I wanted but it just multiplied my problems. Kind of like a sick version of the movie Gremlins.


This is truely the hardest thing I have ever done. I do miss Xap, there was deep emotion there and how do you get past that or is time the only thing that helps??? Its this emotional pile of S*#T that I have to dig myself out of. And when Im having a good day w/o thoughts of Xap, I think about how short I have been with my kids for 15mths, or how I wasted so much time making myself available for Xap, only to have him not be available.


I have good days and bad days but I have really seen H

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2009
Fri, 02-05-2010 - 4:14pm

Hi, Get~


I spent years trying to talk to H and tell him what my needs were, all for him to ignore them. Hmmm...sounds familiar....


I spent years trying to talk to H and tell him what my needs were, all for him to ignore them.