Bad Day

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2004
Bad Day
1
Thu, 09-02-2004 - 10:53pm
Hi All

I've had a rough day today. I haven't been missing MM or anything like that, but of course my upsetness relates to him. I haven't shared this part before, but I feel it would be good for me to talk about it & hope you girls can listen.

As I've posted before I was in an A w/a MM since Feb. I considered him a very close friend & we also worked together, he wasn't my boss, but my mentor. We only had IC once & that's what's upsetting me. He had wanted to have IC a lot before we did in May, on my b'day. That day is very distressing to me. I honestly didn't think I would ever have IC w/him, I mean we were making out, etc., but I did not intend to ever actually do it. He took me to a very romantic lunch on my b'day, I voluntarily had 2 glasses of wine. I am a very very light weight when it comes to drinking, I actually get buzzed off of one glass, so 2 makes me very very uninhibited. He had 1 glass & part of my second. After lunch we were making out in his car. He again was wanting IC. I need to emphasize here that he did not rape me. However, he knows about my light-weightness & he knew I was acting loopy. I was sitting on his lap, kissing him, when he started trying for it again. I didn't stop him, I guess I extremely naively didn't think he'd finish what he'd started (I realize this sounds stupid, but the thing is he knew my position on the IC, he knew I wasn't ready, I guess I trusted him as my friend to keep that in mind). Well, he finished what he started & as I began to realize he was intent on finishing, I started saying no, you can't. But it was too late. After it was over, he freaked out. He said he didn't understand that I was still not ready for IC. I cried and cried, and then we talked and talked about it & we both agreed that it had been a very serious miscommunication. The thing is, I was not prepared for IC & it hurts so much that he didn't respect that. I know that I am responsible for my own actions, but it hurts so bad what he took from me.

Thanks for listening.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Thu, 09-02-2004 - 11:16pm
HI Blue

I am going to have to disagree that this was a matter of miscommunication, he plain and simply used DRINK to get you into a postion were he could manipulate you to the point were you could not offer real resistence, BUT the minute you said NO and he did not stop it was RAPE, I am sorry to upset you even more but I think you know this already and that is way your so upset.

I doubt you could get a conviction in court considering your make out times but I can't see it as concentual, he freaked because he understood he was open to a rape charge even if you lost his reputation would be shot.

Consider counceling from a rape crisis centre please.

Free