Bad Day!
Find a Conversation
| Tue, 06-01-2010 - 5:31pm |
I just recently started posting here...I "think" my last day of contact with XAP was April 22nd...it was an email I sent regarding sending all his crap back to him, prior to that we last spoke on April 14th...does that make it 7wks or 6 NC??... I'm not really keeping count.
I know we have our good and bad days with this so I suppose this is a bad day for me and I just want to be honest about how I feel....
I know in my mind that the A wasn't right, that it was all a fantasy (I wish these crappy feelings were all fantasy too!!) I know I should be glad its over, no more worrying about stuff...
when will he leave her, is he lying to me, whats he telling her, doesn't SHE get IT...
Fact is, I was in to this 150%, I was truthful with him in every way....and to not have the returned and just leave skid marks hurts like hell!

it does hurt. and it doesn't seem fair that he doesn't feel the same or miss you does it? we wish that they could understand how much they hurt us and how much we believed or wanted to believe them that they loved us the same way.
And we want them to be miserable too and then continue being miserable long after we get back on our feet and feel better. we are jealous of the W who still has what we 'thought' we wanted and loved and want to hurt her because she kept us from him.
But the truth is, she is already unhappy and hurting. she IS living with someone who is hurting her everyday just like he hurt us. and whether or not he shows it, he is not happy. he may fill his time with physical things, but it will never make him happy and he will always seek the bigger and better around the corner. until he can love himself, he will have that emptiness. had we stayed with him, he would have sucked us into that emptiness as well.
Its that emptiness that has such a pretty package and just like an infomercial - makes wonderful claims and everyone seems so happy! it seems like such and easy road to happiness and so perfect and exactly what we were missing!
then the shine wears off and it may break or we realize we have absolutely no need for whatever it is supposed to help us with. we got so caught up in the excitment and glitz, we forgot to think about how it would actually fit in with our lives. and then you're stuck with buyers remorse.
so how do we move past that? how do we stop wanting others to feel our pain? its hard and I am not always sucessful. Some days I still have those flashes of thought. But I start forgiving by just acknowledging what happened. accept my part and voice his.
Then just keep repeating to myself....I cannot change the past but I can learn from it. I know I do not like what I did but I make mistakes. and its OK. I will learn from it and know I am better by learning from it.
Work on loving and forgiving yourself. then the rest will follow.
JGNM, welcome!
Credit to Gonebabygone for this gem:
He won't heal your pain because he was the one who caused it in the first place.
Hi jgnm-
We all have these days. I am 125 days NC today and I still have moments that I consider "bad." It's hard to stop the obsessing and you just have to work through it. You have to keep telling yourself that it doesn't matter what's going on with him and eventually, you will start to believe it. It's that "fake it till you make it" technique. It works. Yes, sometimes those thoughts sneak back in for me, but it's becoming less and less. I actually went 3 whole days over the weekend without thinking of him once. And when I realized that, it startled me. I didn't think I'd ever reach that point. I assumed that he'd always be there in the back of my mind. But he wasn't. And I only reached this point by weathering through the bad times, coming here for support, and being honest with myself- putting myself and my family first, pouring my energy into my M.
You will get through this "bad" day. I remember something Iddy said once and it really resonated with me. She said something to the effect of: bad days aren't set backs, they are a part of the process, because even when you are feeling bad, your inner self is churning away to make a better you. Therefore, these bad days can be viewed as growth spurts. They keep you grounded. They keep you in self protection mode. They are humbling. And they are reminders of what you escaped. This pain is progress because it has an end. There is a light at the end of the tunnel because you are free. TAke it one day at a time and you will come out the other side.
Hugs,
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
I've only recently started thinking about xap's wife. I don't know her, never met her, never even seen a picture of her. Yet, I have been feeling an incredible sadness for her and wonder if she knows her H is a lying, cowardly POS.
I'm thankful he's hers and not mine.
jgnm, I understand your anger. But you will eventually have to let that go. He can't hurt you any more unless you let him.
Thanks for the thoughts and words Ladies.
Yesterday was a bad day, well not all of it...something triggered me and I'm still trying to figure out what it was.
Panda....no no, I'm not waiting for a reply from him.
Amen! to the POS coward remark and deep down (well not even so deep down) but I know its HER problem not mine.