The Bad Days

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2012
The Bad Days
Sat, 12-15-2012 - 10:57pm

Today is one of them!! Just when I thought I had it all under hits you again!! Xap is back at work and we are chatting but keeping it non personal, however he has fished twice with 2 personal emails to my work email address, one was after hours and the other he was off site I didn't reply to either. He is flirting with me again by just doing silly little things like throwing things at me as he walks past, so far I have had numerous almonds, grapes, bottle tops and a champagne cork thrown at me! 

On a brighter note i have a second interview this week for a new job...fingers crossed! I told xap about it and he managed to find a million reasons why I wouldn't like it! He is just being selfish and doesn't want me to leave. 

Feeling better now just being able to write this out!! Lol

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2011
In reply to: Tily6
Sat, 12-15-2012 - 11:48pm

Hello there sounds to me like he is trying to get a reaction out of you dont give him that power. How childish on his part to what throw things at you? How immature what is this highschool? You need to put him on "ignore" for your benefit. Also I too hope you get this job so you can move on with your life and your sanity. Best of Luck to you.                   Peace Love Andie

Avatar for wClarity
Community Leader
Registered: 11-04-2012
In reply to: Tily6
Sun, 12-16-2012 - 12:07am

Chatting it up in the workplace is not a good idea; and as you can see, it's not very effective.    

Listen, if you want him to back off, you're going to have to get your bitch on.  Throwing things at you in the workplace is neither cute nor is totally inappropriate and juvenile.

Keep conversation to a minimum, avoid him as much as you can, keep it personal and business like at all times and if he pulls any further adolescent b/s...just say "Stop it"...add a touch of annoyance and you're good to'll stop him dead in his tracks.  

I'm excited to hear about your second interview!  Good luck and let us know how it goes.

good luck (((hug)))


Community Leader,

Ending an Affair Support Board

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2012
In reply to: Tily6
Sun, 12-16-2012 - 6:23pm


I agree with WC.  You just need to put your armour on and pretend like your xAP doesn't exist as often as possible - and when you absolutely *must* engage, do so only in an extreme business-like manner.

Doing otherwise places you in an agonizing limbo - or worse, see you losing ground on the progress you've worked so hard to make - and prolonging the healing process.

I really feel for you - please keep putting one foot in front of the other - go for that job and move on to a far better life than this.



iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2012
In reply to: Tily6
Mon, 12-17-2012 - 6:30am
The only problem being I am "faking it til I make it" to xap I am completely over him, going about my life, enjoying every day like he was never a part of it, on the inside its a completely different storey, it feels like my soul is dying slowly. It's not getting any easier, I think Johnny Depp said it best "you can close your eyes to the things you don't want to see but you can't close you heart to the things you don't want to feel"
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2011
Mon, 12-17-2012 - 8:45am

Hi Tily,

I know this syndrome so well. And you wish he knew how much you are suffering inside. But if you told him, it would just be an opening for him to get back in. And chances are, your suffering, your cost, doesn't mean nearly as much to him as it does to you.

I also remember that my hanging on to my suffering was a way to convince myself that I was still involved. That once I let that go, it would really and truly be over.

This is very hard, I know. But whether or not he knows how you feel inside makes no difference and doesn't help either of you. And I'll bet if you told him and he told you how sorry he is, you would have a hard time believing him anyway. I don't remember your full story and maybe that's not true.

But I found that my xAP had a much better sense of self-preservation than I had ever imagined. If you know what I mean. So I had to develop my own.


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2007
In reply to: Tily6
Mon, 12-17-2012 - 9:53am
Why don't you tell your XAP that you have too much respect for yourself to be his dirty little secret. Tell him that you are saving the flirty emails he sends you and you are going to take them to HR. It really is time to get tough. This guy doesn't respect your personal boundaries. It is time to regain your self respect and let him know you are worth more than the crumbs he is offering. And stop talking to him about your personal business. Ignore him.